Le Past

3.4.5個生日

2011-05-04T06:10:00.000-07:00

最近唸書唸到不知時日過，星期一就很興奮地跑去訂蛋糕，打算第二天利用教官節為班上同學慶祝生日，後來才有人提醒我教官節是星期三，真是丟臉，還要麻煩福利社百貨部那個漂亮溫柔的長髮姐姐幫我冰蛋糕。

Anyway, 今天和教官串通要惡搞同學，讓教官惡罵生日的同學，逼他們起立受罰，而正當他們不知所措時，我就waltz進去大唱生日歌。聽說教官演技逼真到可以，另銘毅很慌 :P 我在外面是錯過了教官精湛的演出啦，可是那蛋糕還是真的有夠重，從福利社抱到教室我都已經氣喘了，在教室外等待時一面模糊地聽見教官罵人的聲音，一面心裡也在罵，我在抱著一個寶貝脆弱的巨嬰好不好，手都快斷了！怎麼那麼久。可是進去時大家都很high啦，而且最後這討厭的巨嬰也任我魚肉所以就沒關係。話說我還沒見過那麼大的蛋糕，16寸叻，要命。

在外面的時候，剛好有認識的同學經過，問我誰生日啊，那麼大個蛋糕好豪華。在巨寶寶的重量下，我很用力抽出一口氣，冷靜地說是全班同學啦。腦好浮現了一句，‘創意進場冠軍啊，有錢了吃1萬元的蛋糕’，可是當然沒說出口，只是暗暗地笑，真的好跩。後來跟Sabin說，他建議把蛋糕盒也掛在教室外，就在我們的banner旁邊，再標明‘1萬元的蛋糕’，跩死了！

我覺得今天吃蛋糕的氣氛真的很好，我一直認為最近我們同學間的感情好多了，相處亦融合多了，可能是因為創意進場的關係，也可能是因為在僑大的日子即將結束，使大家更加珍惜。後來有人很破更地說吃蛋糕的氣氛比較好是因為今天蛋糕比較大比較好吃，然後又開始跩說那是因為贏了創意進場獎金而吃得起。

可是無論如何，我發覺自己越來越愛班上的同學。以後一定會很想你們！

在此順便祝Patrick生日快樂，希望你年紀越大越年輕啦！不要再說自己老了！:P

Abandoned Ship

2011-03-18T08:28:00.000-07:00

Hello blog, goodbye blog. Ask me if you wanna know me.

Bladderdash

2011-03-10T06:17:00.000-08:00

I have always had mix feelings for this place. The right hemisphere of my brain tells me how lucky it is to be studying overboard, experiencing the diversity of culture, discovering new possibilities, yadda yadda yadda. Whereas the left hemisphere of my brain is just plaaain frustrated, making my number one goal leaving this shit hole and move on with university, because Pre-U is just pain in the ass.

I’m sorry I might have gotten the parts of my brain wrong because I forgot which hemisphere controls what. Because I am no longer a science student and my current favourite subject is sociology, not biology.

Anyway, in the midst of all this confusion, I’ve found that the best solution is to shut up and just focus on my school work. Because 3 months is going to pass in a blink of an eye, I’ll get good enough grades, have a good summer, and start freshman year in Uni *fingers crossed for NTU*

Okay, yes, like I’ve said, so it’s back to the books right now.

Sigh, Pre-U D:

Everything out of reach

2011-03-08T05:42:00.000-08:00

This doesn’t feel real. I am not here. I don’t want to be here. I want to go back. But you guys are not there anymore. I can’t go back anymore. Will time please walk faster. Because I don’t belong anywhere at the moment. Will time please walk faster. And cave me a home here. Will time please walk slower. I need to feel alive again. Will time walk backwards. I wished I had more of what I now appreciate about then.

I wrote this some time ago, a week after landing at Taiwan. Reading it now reminds me again, how when in face of restlessness, uncertainty and frustration, just hold on a little longer. Because things will get better, eventually.

Goes on

2011-02-17T18:25:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, I get very tired of being too right.

I want to be late for a date. I want to throw my clothes on the floor when I enter my room. I want to scribble instead of writing elegantly. I want to have messy hair instead of a clean cut ponytail. I want to eat with my hands and lick my fingers after I am done. I want to jump on my bed and rip my pillows. To take off my clothes and jump into the pool with my underwear.

I’ll have fun for awhile. Face the consequences later. And then go back to an organized life.

And then, sometimes, I get very tired of being too right again.

Amelie

2011-02-16T01:43:00.000-08:00

I first fell in love with a song called Anna, by Gunnar Madsen. That song brought me to The original soundtrack of a French movie, Amelie, which music was created by the very talented Yann Tiersen. I loved each and every piece of music from the soundtrack. And vowed that I would watch the movie one day.

Anyway, that one day was today in my school library. And, I was just blown away. It’s just so wonderful, and whimsical and beautifully executed (: I really like how this movie celebrates life, the magic in the small things we do in everyday life. In fact, I was feeling pretty down before I watched it and now I feel so much better. Like there’s something enchanting within my grasp.

Take sometime to watch this video which is the first part of the movie. Oh, and there’s English subtitles cause it’s originally French. If you’re enthralled by the movie like I am, just click and continue watching lah, YouTube has the full movie :D Okaaay, now go click and let the movie convince you itself.

Short hiatus

2011-02-07T22:12:00.000-08:00

So, I am going back to KL tonight. And then, Taiwan next Tuesday. I am feeling very excited indeed.

The holiday has been good, I feel rejuvenated and I'm up for a lot of things at the moment. In fact, there is a list of things about to happen, and I have a gut feeling that I will be enjoying each and everyone of them.

I don't think I will be able to publish any posts until when I go back to Taiwan. So here's a short goodbye.

The things you do

2011-02-07T05:00:00.000-08:00

灯光酒色里不管多心碎
无谓太过计较恋爱总告吹
开心可相对伤心请归去
离合惯了面对不会心碎潇洒来亦去

Much missed

2011-02-05T02:48:00.000-08:00

You know, part of my coming back home mission for this month long winter break was to listen to the views and opinions of other people (in this case, family, friends, and strangers who care), check books off my incredulously long to-read-list, spend some time on the internet doing research on topics that interest me, probe into my own head... In short, do things I miss and enjoy doing, things that inspire me on a daily basis in the most subtle way that it is sometimes hardly tangible, things that could rarely be done in my tight studying schedule in Taiwan while I fight like a brave girl for academic excellence, the main requirement for a if not prestigious Taiwan University, one that resonates with my beliefs on the true purpose of education.

So, how did I do? Not that good. In the first week I was seen to be slumping around, although serving as quite a company to my family. Company to Pasar Pagi, company to morning jogs, helping with house chores, playing Barbie with (nah, more like nagging at) my niece. Truth be told, I wasn't up for anything because I was pretty worn out. I think a semester of being submerged in such a competitive environment, one like the NTNU's preparatory program, has made me really rigid. Needing to live independently in a foreign place for the first time in my life has also harden me up. How the whole experience has made me stronger, tougher and more capable goes without saying, but the whole change in both lifestyle and culture has also led me into my battle-mode. And like any animal who knocks out after a life-threatening/demanding situation, all my walls just melt away the moment I fell into my family's embrace. I was just curling up in comfort of being taken care of, after the whole mental exhaustion.

The second week also went away without much accomplishment. All I did was yumcha yumcha yumcha, I was sucking up the attention and company of my friends. Going out going out going out, from the moment I was awake to the moment I went to bed. I was even seeing them in my dreams. At one point I was so sleep deprived and sick I thought I was going to die. Nevertheless, it was something I needed, not because my social life in Taiwan is desperately pathetic due to the constant ringing in the brain on the need to improve academically, but because it was something I didn't get to do after high school, with my knee injury and then, my immediate disappearance to Taiwan. So yeah, that was how the second week went away with a blink of the eye. Me and my favorite people, doing our favorite thing, and probably for the very last time in Malaysia because most of them are leaving soon for Australia or wherever place that they can blend in as bananas.

As for the third week, I am again, back in my hometown Seremban for the Chinese New Year, meant to spend time with family, all in the name of bonding and reunion. (very cina indeed) And only in this week, the third, I have had time devoted to myself. I can't say I've done a lot this week, but at the very least, I am a lot less belligerent. I've been quite mental since the beginning of 2011, having a constant urge to leash out on someone (but I didn't, cause normally I just design some evil plot in my head lah)

Anyway, what I am trying to say is alas, I get to say I've got some important things done and some essential issues sorted out with the ending of my third week here at Malaysia. I've got a new range of feelings for Chinese New Year this year as I walk in and out catching up with my family and relatives. I've read some books, some articles, that has given me a lot of new perspective. Spending time with the elderly has also given me a lot of insight. This is exactly what I need lah. To recuperate. ( as you see I am keeping things short because I have a feeling that this post is turning a bit draggy for your sore sore eyes)

So, yeah, I should keep this up so that when I go back to the city on Tuesday/Wednesday I'll have a good week before I head back to Taiwan on the 15th. Fyi, I was just blabbering about my lousy first and second week lah, I've come to conclusion that that was probably what I had to do before coming to this point of my holiday. Okay, yes I know this post is very looooooooong, aha, so, bais :D

Mine

2011-02-01T23:35:00.000-08:00

I have a limited life with limited time. I can’t possibly hold hands with everyone, I can’t possibly lick every tear that falls on anyone’s cheek. I can’t possibly say yes to all parties and can’t possibly make everyone feel like what’s coming out from their lips is the best shit I’ve ever heard. In fact, most of the time I feel that I have inadequate energy and scarce attention. And during these times, when I am upset and sick and need myself for myself, I really detest everyone for swaying me away. I want to ‘fuck you’ everyone because really, what’s the point? We’re not going to make it very far with all these limiting factors, even more when I don’t intend to. What’s the point of that brief encounter, that momentary starry glassy glance, or the only two seconds I remember from the entire entire days together when you said ‘I love you’. But then I saw that that’s the point you know? There might be a million people in this world where a second of me spent with them is a second of me wasted. But there are those who I pool in a lifetime of my soul just for that one breathtaking split of time, for that heart that skipped 3 full beats, because they are worth it that way. These people make me feel that it is worth it. It is a price I am willing to pay, an effort I voluntarily put in, the catfight, the hung over, the sour jealousy stirring at the bottom of my stomach, the lousy paste rubbing on my tongue when I hear the line go dead on the other side of the phone. I would come out losing, from a long endeavour, all wrecked and wasted from the battle, one that almost promises destruction in the beginning. But I would be able to recall something brief and wonderful from that terrible experience and say ‘yes, that’s what it was for’. And so maybe I really do have a limited life with limited time. But I want to be able to spoil it on the people I choose to be with, be it assholes or jerks. It might not end up good, but that’s the risk I take, that’s my own money I am betting on. And even if I lose, I get to say that it was fun while it lasted. So don’t tell me what to do. Or say that I could do better. Stop bossing my life around, let the girl do her thing, let the girl do what she has gotta do.

Leave me and my choices alone.

Here I come

2011-01-20T22:47:00.000-08:00

Oh yeah baby

Word vomit

2011-01-20T01:10:00.000-08:00

I have no more fantasies left.
Some people will always always have a special place in your heart. And I know that because I was still crying the other night, after all this time
I feel sick
I feel intoxicated
I want to vomit

kthxbai.

Oh, and I forgot, I can’t believe I’m turning 19 in 6 months. A bit early to talk about it. But seriously? 19? Urgh, fml.

And

2011-01-20T00:27:00.000-08:00

And it’s like you’re homesick for a place that doesn’t exist. At least, not anymore.

The new year post that came late.

2011-01-19T04:02:00.000-08:00

Going away for 4 months, 120 days, is sufficient for me to come home another person. Things change, I change. So many things are wrong now. I try not to think about them because at the same time there are many reasons existing for me to be completely happy and grateful. But I can’t let go of these unfortunate events, they are like rocks in my heart, pulling me down to the river with its weight, I feel like I am sinking, drowning, and in need of oxygen.

I want to cry, I’ve never felt so ugly or twisted or incomplete in my life. Even when I was through some depressing shit in 2009, it was okay, I still held myself together, not flawlessly, but I got all the pieces right. Then 2010 came along and it was horrible beyond words. I try not to talk about it, I try to keep a positive outlook, I worked real hard to make my life right. And it did seem better, I did learn a lot, I did become stronger.

But one fact remains.

Now that there are no more shits. Now that 2010 ended. Now that everything is over. I look at myself in horror because I’m so wasted. I seriously want to grab someone and ask, how can things still be the same after so much bad has happened. Can you understand, I have turned into someone that I don’t recognise, and not in a good way. I’ve become so ugly. I can’t comprehend how a normal person, yes I still regard myself as normal, can have so much self hate, self loathe. So much like a big pot of boiling acid enough to melt a city away.

This is it, yes. 2010 was horrible, I survived. Now that it’s all over, I let go, because I have no strength to hang on anymore, and when I let go, I see that I am about to land in somewhere dark.

One at a time

2011-01-18T22:20:00.000-08:00

It’s weird being back home. It’s super weird being back home.

Taiwan is not very far away in terms of physical distance. But my life in Taiwan and my life in Malaysia is so vastly different that there is no point for me to draw lines or make connections. I can’t even say that I’m the connection even when we’re talking about my life right now, because I’m not the same here as I am there. At least, on the surface.

I hate Taiwan.
I hate the food there, that oily unhealthy food. I hate the weather, that wet cold and foggy weather. I hate the differences, I hate the nights, I hate the days, I hate the void that opens once in awhile, I hate the gripping fear, I hate that super massive black hole that resembles my bottomless-pit-like stomach. I hate that I don’t have Kenn to bitch to, or Mel to talk to, or Jo to hug. Or my mum to cry to or my family to make everything okay.

I love Taiwan.
I love the whatever remains of culture they have left after a rather unfortunate political change, I love my dedicated teachers, I love my social life, I love my excellent (from my point of view and my standards) academic achievements, I love that I am changing, adapting, learning, growing up every single minute of every single day just because I am there.

And you see when I talk about Taiwan I talk it as a comparison to Malaysia. But I talked about Taiwan, not Malaysia. Because really, it has been a long time since anything here was about me.

I guess I really did it this time

2011-01-08T08:14:00.000-08:00

I have a problem. And I hate myself for it. It’s similar as the one many others face, the difference being a slight shift in circumstances. But that small turn, that tiny angle is enough for a million other calculations, leading me to a completely different place. In this place, I have nothing to be proud of anymore. There will never ever be a person, even one with the most sarcasm, who will say they wished they were as sick as me.

I do not stand in isolation. But like all the other things I have to deal with right now, whatever outcome to this situation is solely based on my own actions. And like all the others, before I can start attacking it, or before I can start accepting it, the hardest part is right now, forgiving myself for letting it happen. Forgiving myself, when I hate myself so ruthlessly I wish I could tear myself apart.

I was in the midst of all the wrong doings today. You know that feeling? Stuck at the wrong place doing the wrong thing. You know that it’s wrong, because if it was right it wouldn’t bug you enough to make you feel that guilt like a blade, sawing your stomach raw. I felt like I was being possessed, because really, literally, I looked at the mirror and couldn’t recognize myself. My heart whispered who is this, but I was afraid of answering.

I dropped down to my knees and prayed.

I was enlightened 3 mouths later. And suddenly I could see it all so clearly, all that were once opaque. But each and every detail suspended in a very visible light doesn’t mean things are suddenly okay. I know I was in big trouble from that bleeding stomach, but I did not actually know how much shit I was in.

I half wished now, that someone could come along and help me do my dirty work. But an enchanting flutter of eyelashes from a certain someone that I now find absolute beauty, tells me that this is something I have to take personal responsibility for.

I am doing a brave and right decision, I know that through a gut feeling. And although, like I’ve mentioned in the beginning, this is my own battle to fight, I wish that someone, if not doing my dirty work, could come give me a silent flow of strength through good company. Yes, I need it. I want to go home.

# Well, hell-o, my first fucking challenge of year 2011.

Here tonight

2011-01-05T02:40:00.000-08:00

I only have 10 minutes left of self-promised internet time.

So much has happened since the last time I blogged. I simply lost count of the times when I flip my notebook open, click on Windows Live Writer and wait for my fingers to sow on this blank space threads of my thoughts. Nothing good ever came out of it. It’s either too much or nothing. It seems like I’m no longer brave enough to say anything anymore. The more I write, the more I’m aware of what I’m putting on this public medium for people to openly criticize.

A long time ago, I stopped mentioning names. But it wasn’t enough.
Then, some time ago, I stopped being so blatant about everything. But it wasn’t enough either.
And so right now, I write about things that are either,

extremely boring, like an elaboration of my twitter status kind of boring
absolutely ridiculous, like a facebook album laid out with captions kind of ridiculous

What will you think if I wrote here, everything that I couldn’t say.

Enchanted

2010-12-16T02:12:00.000-08:00

Hello, I think I am taking short break from blogging until I can actually decide if I want to write again.

Tightrope

2010-12-11T06:47:00.000-08:00

I thought it would be different. And it really is. But nothing changes when I don’t. Where I am doesn’t matter. Because when I stay the same, the past catches up. But what am I to do? I can’t forgive when I am not ready to forget. He showed me just now, that today is not too late to be brave.

I’m just slowly losing my balance. Go back, and I know my eyes will sparkle with stars.

You monster

2010-12-05T05:00:00.000-08:00

You ate my heart. You spit it out. I place it back. But it isn’t the same anymore.

64

2010-12-03T21:14:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was my school’s 64th Annual Sports day.

It was such a big deal for me because it was my first sports day here at Taiwan. I patiently packed the night before, made sure I brought everything. So it was no surprise that I felt super deflated in the morning when I discovered my uncharged camera. I know –.- So sad lah, I really wanted to show you guys what sports day looked like here @ Taiwan. Sure, there will be another sports day next year, but that’s only among the A-levels Program and it’ll be different, not as interesting the one yesterday. Oh well D:

Just a minute, in November

2010-12-01T07:20:00.000-08:00

First half of the month: Busy preparing for Midterms.
See how everyone from the first row was asleep? Sleep deprivation, tsk. That’s my sexy back by the way. Also, what I’m wearing is our standard Gym clothes, looks a bit Japanese don’t you think?

15th – 17th: Midterms!
Hundreds of students stuffed in a hall that reminds me of Hogwarts. No joke.

20th: School Bazaar!
What we sold: Hotdog, Corn in a cup, Winter Melon Tea and a special Portuguese dessert 木糠布丁.

Those are hand made bunny ears by my talented classmates. Jacky, Yubin, Teresa and I had to circle the school ground singing some weird Taiwanese Song to boost our sales.

Below are pictures of us making the Pudding. It was such hard work to make 400 cups that we spent a total of 10 hours. Nice huh? (:

Cream Cream Cream, yum.
I’m so good at it now that when I go back to Malaysia I am going to make everyone some. It’d be super cool, Portuguese dessert woih :D

Fat, chubby face :O

That day was also the only day in the year where the dorms are open to visits. Tom and Harry had no problem finding mine. Was kind of embarrassing because they caught me sleeping when I should be out helping. I was just too tired. But I wasn’t the only one, the first thing Tom did was faint to the ground in deep slumber.
I just realise this picture gives you a glimpse of my room. As you can see, I only need to share my room with one girl instead of 3 because I’m a Resident Advisor. My side is on the right, hers (Isabella) is on the left. We carpeted the floor to make it more homey.

My desk, uhuh, simplicity is the ultimate sophistication says Leonardo da Vinci.

And duh, I took my opportunity to visit the Male Dorm, but let me tell you, the rumour that Male Dorms are smelly is a complete myth. Except for the toilets, but then all toilets are smelly when you can’t flush used Kleenex.

21st: Our official date to 西門町, also, watched Harry Potter 7 Part 1
The first and most important thing on Sunday mornings: Attending Mass. Since we decided to spend the day at Taipei, we went to the Immaculate Conception Cathedral, which is only half the size of SFX. But it was nice :D

Beautiful (:

Sometimes I forget that I am in Taipei. We were searching for breakfast when we saw 小豬，a Taiwanese celebrity. I’m not sure if you’re a fan but apparently, he’s quite famous in Asia. Whatever –.- None of my business, but Harry is a big fan, which explains the photo below!

Sushi for breakfast, can’t resist posting another one Sabina's many epic facial expressions.
Simon, Tom, also, a piece of Salmon hanging somewhere.

That’s Tom, his weird looking face, Sabina and I.
Crazy appetite we’ve got there.

This is Taiwan, Cinemas are not in the highest floor of a mall. It is simply located at the corner of the street.

OMG, I LOVE HARRY POTTER. I can’t wait for Part 2, although it means bye forever. You know what? I will save a post for Harry Potter later.

We had dinner at a really cute restaurant that looks like a Nursery. They only sell Korean Bibimbap.

24th: Volley ball Competition
Introducing L5, don’t ask me why we’re called that. It’s just easier than saying (from left) Tom, Harry, Sabina, Bree (or Nino as they call me), Marie. They’re the people I hang out most with in school, aside from Aya. We study, eat, and exercise together. We hang out, we go to places, we feed fishes, we fight for the things we believe in.

Okay, sorry, this was suppose to be about Volleyball, we had an inter-program(?) Volleyball competition. I’m in the Preparatory Program (A-levels), which is the home team, but the Uni girls won our mixed team hands down, (you can see that I am being nice by not mentioning how our asses got kicked). The boys were even better, they were superb :D I am so in love :D :D :D Why can’t I play Volleyball like that?!

Number 16, my hero! :D You guys know how tall I am right? I was standing straight okay?! Look how tall he is :D AHA

The girls who kicked our asses. Patrick was super happy he got a picture with most of them.

This is Sharna’s favourite player, Mr.12.

27th: Inter-class Basketball Competition
Our class loss, aha. But it was really nice because since the School Bazaar bonds were formed and most of the class turned up to show support. We even had big breakfast together later after the competition, which was all good fun. That day was also Aya’s 19th birthday but I’ll save that for tomorrow because there are loads of pictures.

Till then!

Dust of Snow

2010-11-29T04:44:00.000-08:00

The way a crow
Shook down on me
The dust of snow
From a Hemlock tree
Has given my heart
A change of mood
And saved some part
Of a day I have rued

-Robert Frost

Rof

2010-11-26T22:01:00.000-08:00

Thank you for bringing me home. I miss and love you, JKLMN.

Saw

2010-11-25T06:57:00.000-08:00

It was raining the whole of today, it was cold the whole of today.

I can feel that gap, that growing gap, that gap whose presence I first felt a month ago. I am stretched across the ocean, in between two lands. What I am now is not me, but I can’t push away the growing sense of familiarity. What I was is the closest I’ve felt to being me, but I can’t pull it in anymore, the paling, fading, wandering ghost they say you keep in drawers.

Mami says part of growing up is kissing beautiful things goodbye. I think they only become beautiful when you know there’s no going back. I’m learning to see in Nino, what I did not see in Bree. Good night xx.

Girl in the dress

2010-11-18T07:52:00.000-08:00

I’m beautiful. You’re blind.

Bao Ma

2010-11-17T10:42:00.000-08:00

Ahhh, yay, finally done with my mid terms. I am already so prepped up to start on my new syllabus. Anyway, to congratulate ourselves on a job well done, some of us went for good ‘ol steamboat at BaoMa, 寶媽香香鍋.

Harry. Poser, aha.


Simon, Tom.


Tom, Harry.

Tom, Harry, Simon. Poser, omggg.

Clement.

Dickson, Xiao Yan.

Puiee, Marie, Sabina. Girls from Macau have the same smile, I guess :)

Nom Nom Nom.

10 0f us.

A lot of a lot of food to feed our deprived souls.

Sabina, me and my oh Small Red.

Ohhhhh, delicious and satisfying.

Okaaaaaaaay, bye, I got class tomorrow.

To pretend

2010-11-14T02:53:00.000-08:00

This is me reminding myself that even if I screw up tomorrow (which is very, very unlikely to happen) I’ll still get better results that I’ve ever gotten in the past five years.

Okay, so take a warm bath, flip your book, and read it like a fairytale. Sing a prayer, taste a sweet dream, wake up tomorrow feeling like it’s your birthday and win that exam like it’s a treasure hunt. There’s no too big a problem, hello? We’re talking about my smart ass brain (:

Walk

2010-11-11T08:34:00.000-08:00

Some photos from our journey to Church last week. I was going to say something funny, but I forgot what was it. So yeah, I guess this is it (:

See this primary school across church has nice nice walls.

Alright

2010-11-10T08:41:00.000-08:00

Before I eat this,

faint to the ground,

and wake up getting 100 in every single subject of my mid terms.

Let’s just.

Stick to working hard for the things we believe in.

Be nice

2010-11-10T07:38:00.000-08:00

And say ‘Hi’.

Aivy, from Ipoh, sits on my right. Alice, from Sumatra, sits on my left. Everyone else is just everyone else.

Also, don’t ask me why Le Jin is posing like Aivy. Because I don’t know why either.

Salad

2010-11-08T13:56:00.000-08:00

Hello it is 5.30 in the morning, and I just made myself some salad.

Not to be boastful, but I think I am one of the few in this school who can actually get up on a weekday and fix myself a salad considering the scarce ingredients and tools given. I am so sick of the food here. The canteen food is terrible, it is like watching one of those doomsday cafeteria movies with the scary workers in hairnets and food you can’t name in a big fat pile of mush. Everything is oily and oriental! There’s no variety, or organic greens. It’s not like I don’t want to buy food from one of the shops, but nothing changes, everything is still, either oily, or deep fried, you can’t even find anything green, all people eat is meat.

To top it all, it’s not like I can’t cook, I just don’t have the tools or a good source of ingredients. Plus, it’s forbidden. I know right? Idiotic much. This powerless feeling is driving me crazy.No wonder everyone grows like an inflated balloon here at this school, geez.

I need my comfort food, it leads me to my happy place. You have no idea how satisfied I am right now eating my salad. It makes me feel good you know? Like, you know something is wrong with your food when it makes you feel upset after eating. I think what I am putting into my mouth each day really contributes to all the bad feelings I am having lately. Okay okay, remind me to get some vinegar and honey so that I can make a fruit salad soon. D:

I is not being picky okays!

Innocent

2010-11-07T20:32:00.000-08:00

“ I guess you really did it this time.
Left yourself in your warpath,
Lost your balance on a tightrope.
Lost your mind tryin' to get it back
Wasn't it easier in your lunchbox days?
Always a bigger bed to crawl into
Wasn't it beautiful when you believed in everything?
And everybody believed in you?

It's all right, just wait and see
Your string of lights is still bright to me
Oh, who you are is not where you've been
You're still an innocent
You're still an innocent

There's some things you can't speak of
But tonight you'll live it all again
You wouldn't be shattered on the floor now
If only you would sing what you know now then
Wasn't it easier in your firefly-catchin' days?
And everything out of reach, someone bigger brought down to you
Wasn't it beautiful runnin' wild 'til you fell asleep?
Before the monsters caught up to you?

It's okay, life is a tough crowd
32, and still growin' up now
Who you are is not what you did
You're still an innocent

Time turns flames to embers
You'll have new Septembers
Every one of us has messed up too
Lives change like the weather
I hope you remember
Today is never to late to
Be brand new ”

This song describes exactly everything that I am feeling and dealing with at the moment.

Our life

2010-11-07T20:18:00.000-08:00

Our life is made by the death of others.

-Leonardo da Vinci

Warpath

2010-11-06T11:50:00.000-07:00

I’ve died and lived, died and lived, died and lived. Sometimes I think about the battles I fought. And although I want to cry because of how they’ve changed me, I wouldn’t want it any other way. I’m sure that one day in the faraway future, after I’ve gone through the most and could do no longer, after I’ve shed so many dead selves it seems like I’m stripped to the core, I will die and live no more. I think it is only then will I learn to let go what I can’t now.

Skywards

2010-11-05T10:54:00.000-07:00

For once, you have tasted flight. You will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards. For there you have been, and there you will long to return.

-Leonardo da Vinci

Hands up

2010-11-03T22:14:00.000-07:00

Remember my weather report last Tuesday?

At the end of my post I mentioned that I was on my way to hibernate because I will be having a History quiz in the afternoon and I honestly, desperately want a perfect score? Well, I got my paper back today, and guess what … *jeng jeng jeng* … 110 marks, perfect score! Aha, I’m so happy. It’s like, finally, after 2 months of tedious classes and crazy quizzes, someone (which happens to me) finally gets to beat my treacherous History lecturer and her manipulative questions. I’m so proud :D No one has ever aced her paper with a perfect score before, thank you Jesus!

Which reminds me, I had a convo with a certain old friend from Malaysia last night. We were discussing the opportunity to change yourself and become the person you aspire to be when you get a fresh start in a foreign place. It’s usually hard to do so at where you come from because too many impressions were made and people are not generous when it comes to second chance. So I shared the fact of me being very serious when it comes to my responsibilities as a student here in Taiwan, I told him that I was doing very well academically as compared to my rotten attendance and rock bottom grades during high school.

He paused for the longest time before saying, ‘Omg Bree, what have you been doing with your lecturers?!’

-.- See what I mean?

I know that I’ve changed for the better even back in high school, and my close friends are witnesses. But I want to do more than that and be even better here at Taiwan. Things are going smoother here because there are no past judgements to trip me. Which gives me a lot of space to grow and expand. I know that there is a lot more to do, because I am still a work in progress. What I’m trying to say is I am exploring, discovering, experimenting and learning. And the joy of learning is super rewarding.

A very inspiring video I watched on you tube yesterday hit me with a very true saying, there is no try, it does not exist, or you give yourself a medium to ‘not do’; there is no past, because it is a subjective memory; there is no future, because it is a predictive projection. All you have is now now now now now, and do do do do do.

What are you waiting for? :D

Blizzard

2010-11-03T03:40:00.000-07:00

If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is a compromise.
— Robert Fritz

I’m feeling sick and unhappy, the only enemy left, the one stopping me from being well and happy, is myself. So today, I decided to be honest, I took out a piece of paper and wrote down everything about myself that I no longer find acceptable. No more tolerating or compromising, because I know certain truths about a regret that will catch up with my future self along with the total waste of my hidden capabilities.

Okay, here we go, all over again.

Mourn

2010-11-01T21:10:00.000-07:00

All changes, even the most longer for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind is part of ourselves, we must die to one life before we enter another. –Anatole France

Set this room on fire

2010-10-31T09:03:00.000-07:00

I woke up, cold in a sheet of sweat visible through my yellow dress. It was 5 in the morning. I climbed down the metal bars and then, tried hard to focus on the red rubber ground rather than my spinning head. They say that nightmares always occur near dawn.

I sit down and stared blankly at my own reflection, the heavy breathing, the pallid skin, the hollow eyes, the dark circles underneath ‘em. I was never beautiful as a whole, and so I wished I was beautifully broken.

The dream was a new one, though familiar. It was them, those who were once here, those who I once left. The ones who took advantage, the ones who didn’t even bother pretending, the ones I associated with because it was the only thing left to do in order to feel alive. It was me, dress in red, bling and almost nakedness. The sounds, the blasting music, the laughter, the screams. The settings, the lights, the car, the wind working its way into my pants. All that we went, ate, drank and consumed. All that in a blinding flash of light, right up till this moment.

No matter where you go, you past catches up with you. There’s no escape, there’s no relief.

I am a lucid dreamer, but there is no stopping this one tonight.

Just a minute … October

2010-10-31T08:38:00.000-07:00

9/10 Class Gathering, Karaoke in our school’s Karaoke room :D

這是皇上和愛妃甲，愛妃乙，后宮佳麗 –。- 噢，還有宦官一位！哦哦
 Hello, miss my ‘whatever – I – don’t – give – a – damn’ face? (: Go oh 101! (which mean Class one of Division one,… Division one being Art Stream)
媽咪，你發夢都沒想到女兒在台灣竟然成了大胃王吧。可不是開玩笑的，都是你，說什麼希望女兒愛吃飯，現在本人都成了大飯桶了。啊哈，不過成了1組1大胃王，有送牙膏哦，所以我也算賺到啦。

13/10 Geography field trip!

Somewhere during the mid of October? Went to Carrefour with the lot to buy ingredients, then, voila! Our first class-made dessert, a Macau specialty 木糠布丁

Pretty plants with pretty flowers.

Marie, Sabina, B and Xuer.

Aha, yum yum yum :D Note Sabina and her mad skills!

29/10 The Reading Competition, dug these out from Harry’s phone.

From left to right, Teresa, me and Sabina. Our class has the most participants who made it into the finals.
Finalists. Winners. Judges. And other interesting people.

Again, Teresa, Sabina and I. All 3 of us are going to receive a cert and a small gift for participating and getting our asses into finals.

Kay, thanks, bye. I wanna go bath and kick ass :D

Lift

2010-10-29T23:58:00.000-07:00

So I took part in a Reading Competition hosted by the Department of Applied Chinese Language and Literature.

And though 2 of my classmates and I made it to the final round, we didn’t manage to win a prize. But it’s okay, all is good because I learned a lot along the way :D I’ll be better next time!

It is finally starting to feel like Autumn with the temperature never being more than 15. All of us are layering our clothes already, gloves, scarves, sweaters, jackets, coats, boots, stockings, you name it we’ve got it. Yun and I even got ourselves some hot packs, 暖暖包. Lol, I know, the Chinese name sounds like something edible and yummy! Aha.

Oh, Oh, and I love this.

And btw, this is Sabina, who is a quarter Portuguese and very very cute.

Know

2010-10-28T09:57:00.000-07:00

I am trying to be a better blogger.

Ghost in the machine

2010-10-27T09:41:00.000-07:00

Hello.

I remembered your birthday.

A hectic week and a tight schedule is not good excuse for this late wish. But the little time I have left from my overloaded pile of work, I used it to think of something special. Something that could send you my remaining warmth from this cold weather. Something that could earn a very handsome dimpled smile.

A blog post is not enough to write about the miraculous arrangement of fate, fate that could twist a lot of things around and make us friends. Words are not enough to make other people comprehend friendship this abstract but tangible at the same time. I always run out of words when I try to describe you, or me when I am with you, or us when we’re together. I guess this is one of those things that are better left unspoken, and better still, to just let it be.

I believe in this, K. I know that this is not a lie.

You are as important to me as I am to you.

I love you. Because I am only me when I am with you.
I love you. Because when I look at you, I want it so much for you to be happy, content, be filled with good things in life, to have your dreams come true. I want the best for you.
I love you. I love your sincere brown eyes, your reassuring shoulder, your infectious laughter, your convincing manner, even your fragile and weak speech when you’re down and low on the other side of the phone.

You cared for me, and took time to look into my petty life when you were having major shits, just because it matters to me. You made me belief in myself when I don’t, which happens very often. If I could only do as much or even more for you!

You know hallows? One of mine is in you. No matter where you go, no matter what happens, no matter how long it is until the next time I see you. If you hurt, I’m going to wince. I want the best for you, because I am sure it is the only way for me to be happy.

I miss you K. Happy birthday.

Forkes

2010-10-25T21:20:00.000-07:00

Hi, it is 18 degree Celsius today, and I’m in the mood for a weather report.

My hands have been cold and hard for the whole morning, and though I know it is disgusting, I am really considering not washing my hands after using the bathroom (my school does not provide warm air hand drying machines mind you)

Anyway, as mentioned in the past few days, the sun rises at 6 in the morning (sometimes it doesn’t even show its face, like today for example) and sets at 5 in the evening. Days are gloomy and grey, the air, cold and humid. Oh, and the wind? Merciless, rapes my hair like no one’s business.

The laundry I washed 2 days ago is still wet. My damp hair is always hanging limply on (and sometimes stuck to) my face. People huddle together and scurry away to warm indoors. I clench my jaw and fists so much, but it’s cold and I’m numb, so I don’t feel much. Any other day of the week, there’s a typhoon. Plans are either postponed or cancelled. Like my BBQ date and our supposing field trip to Yi Lan.

The pavements are wet all the time, people are extremely careful not to step on puddles or getting the edges of their jeans wet. Because, god knows how terrible the feeling of wet clothes on a cold day is. Hmmm, my room is really warm, but the down side is, during this kind of weather, all kinds of insects, snakes, and little reptiles are dying to find a place like mine to curl up and dwell. Which means, I am having nightmares of insect attacks, particularly Centipedes, because that’s what happens most here.

Anyway, I got to go hibernate, because I’m having my third History quiz later in the afternoon, and I really honestly desperately want a perfect score :D

Shopping S’bree

2010-10-17T03:39:00.000-07:00

My tumblr

2010-10-12T21:47:00.000-07:00

www.ohcherrie.tumblr.com

Check it out :D

Sink me in a river

2010-10-07T01:12:00.000-07:00

I climb the metal bars that form steps leading to my bed. I lie on striped sheets, feel the alarm clock with my fingers and switch the on button. I am tired all the time, I’ve been here for a month. It’s turning into a habit, habit is a part of life. But no matter how familiar this gets, when I say ‘my room’ I will always think of pink walls, beige curtains and dark mahogany wood.

And then, hello morning.

Twohands

2010-10-04T21:37:00.000-07:00

Hi, finally, let me talk about something present and happening. For instance, I am now only blogging in the afternoon because I want to limit my own internet access to my one and a half hour lunch break, because we all know how out of hand teenagers can be when given wifi. Seriously, I should be studying Mandarin yesterday instead of web-caming.

The weather has went from turning cold to cold. I am wearing a checked tee over a black and long sleeved blouse. And yet, I feel utterly naked with the wind blowing on my ass once I step out of the dorm. Please let the weekend arrive soon for me to go shopping.

I had a Mandarin quiz this morning, I thought I did quite well even though I didn’t study last night. My mandarin teacher is Mr.Wong, he is chubby and short, but he’s a great I MEAN GREAT teacher. He’s super knowledgeable, I mean he breaks down every single word and phrase and gives us so much extra information out of his bald head it’s amazing. And I really respect him as a teacher because omg how can someone be so smart. :D I’m in love because of him, I am in love with Mandarin more than ever it is crazeee (: Like I can really feel the depth and beauty of my mother language during his class. I had 3 hours of him today, but seriously I haven’t got enough, I want mooooore! LOVE LOVE LOVE (I don’t care if I sound bimbo)

I'm having History later and OMG I love history, was kind of disappointed to get a 96 for my last quiz, I know, I am selfish and ambitious I want 100 although my teacher’s quiz is hard and tricky and almost impossible to score a 100. History is great, I’m now at the 4th dynasty of China and it’s so awesome possum. I mean did you know when was the Chinese Characters invented? So far, the earliest record found was in the 2nd dynasty of China, Shand Dynasty, which was during 1675 bc.. You know, the words you’re writing now is the same as the ones written 4000 years ago. Fwaaa, just imagine the history Chinese Characters had to go though to be well known and respected today. Or how many souls living or dead had the Chinese Characters connect in this long long journey across time?

Before I came, I was planning to study Linguistic or History and sure enough, these two are my current favourite subjects. Another bonus would be Sivic Studies. Seriously, compare to that crap we study in Malaysia, Sivic Studies here is so fun. We are currently on Economics and it is so interesting I wanna die. Yes, that is the only sentence I can think of right now. Later on we’ll be studying the included Sociology and Law. YES YES YES, I am such an ART STREAM girl lah. I will never choose Science over Arts –.- Though I do not regret the 2 years of Science stream back in High School (:

Fuh, heh heh I am long winded uh huh. They call the Discipline teachers here Military Officer or in Mandarin 教官 don’t ask me why. They are very nice and great and dedicated adults who’s not afraid to kick your ass if you’ve got a bad attitude and break the rules. But most of the time, they are humorous and fun loving. Every Tuesday morning we have a one hour talk from Military Officer Fan. He was in the military and was going to be a General when he decided that the thing he wanted to do most was teach. So here he is now, and was lecturing us this morning about drugs. It was an eye opener for me! (:

Ok laaaaaaaaah, got to go nap and get some things done later. So bye bye. Also, I am planning to come back January. Hurray :D

Mouth Wash

2010-10-03T21:41:00.000-07:00

The last of leftovers before I can finally post something current and happening.

Dinner trip with Shannie, Charmaine and Yun.

Also, basketball with Alice and Suki. I can’t thank God enough for His healing. LuLu had been behaving great since my arrival at Taiwan, I now no longer need to take medication or go for physiotherapy sessions. I also get to walk run jump and play whatever sport I favour. I practically want to cry from joy. Plus, I swear I’ve never enjoyed basketball or badminton or jogging as much as I do now. I love sports. I know, it’s crazy to hear Briana say this (‘:

Shopping trip

2010-10-02T21:30:00.000-07:00

Mid Autumn Festival

2010-10-02T21:19:00.000-07:00

They were right, the weather turns chilly once Mid Autumn Festival is over. The good news, despite all the tears, a lot of people gave warm hugs and yummy Moon Cakes that day, enough for me to break a smile and say ‘hey, 中秋节快乐 ‘

Golden

2010-10-02T21:02:00.000-07:00

A Monday morning jog because I needed something, anything to help me stay inspired and motivated throughout the whole schooling week. The Taiwan sun rises and sets 2 hours earlier than the Malaysia sun. And has a habit of playing hiding with us seekers.

Here we were, searching for the mischievous golden.

That building there is the Girl’s Dormitory.

May not be found

2010-09-30T22:50:00.000-07:00

I’ve been feeling lost and confused for the past week and I know it’s normal to feel this way. But no one likes the feeling of floating,drifting in a direction unknown. I don’t know where I should go, and that means I need to spend some time thinking of my destination. I study hard here, I eat, sleep and exercise regularly. I pray too. But something’s missing, and I hope I find it soon. Do you feel that way too?

That’s a scene from my school by the way.

On a lighter tone, it’s October already! 4 more months and year 2010 comes to an end. Most of your New Year Resolutions and To-dos are probably crossed off. But for me, it feels like the year had just begun together with my studies. But nevertheless, I’m trying to inspired, and motivated and effective and get as much done as possible in the remaining months.

Wick a wack

2010-09-30T01:58:00.000-07:00

One of the things I like most about my school has got to be the surrounding nature. I’ve found a jogging partner, Yun and it’s so enriching every trip we make.

On our first trip we’ve decided to start a collection of plant samples, because apparently there are 116 types of trees alone in our school. Cool huh. I’m going to start a category for my jogging stories and finds. I think it’s gonna be great because by the end of the schooling semester I’ll actually have a collection of my own treasures!

There was a cliff and metal bar installed for safety. I caught a glimpse of a spider on it’s web. Those star like shadows are small flowers that fell and got caught by the spider web. The whole evening sky made it such a lovely sight to see (:

This is just an introduction. I wasn’t feeling very well that day, it was Mid-Autumn Festival and I was home sick. But nevertheless, nature makes me giggle like a kid eager for exploration. Will write more during my next jog.

Her eyes her eyes

2010-09-29T09:41:00.000-07:00

I’ve decided on my return. Or in better words, I’ve gotten my brand new Taiwanese laptop, hot in red and named Chuck. I know, makes you wanna pucker up and smooch him.

So here I am, obediently tied to my chair gathering my thoughts, arranging all that had happened according to timeline. The first thing I did when I first arrived at Taiwan was going to Tai Zhong taking the 高铁 which takes an amazing speed of 300km/h.

Was there to visit my cousin B and together with her family we went to the famous Sun Moon Lake 日月潭

Sun Moon Lake was enormous. Mesmerizing not in a glossed up Barbie kind of strut, but the kind of beautiful that’s like the wall flower that overflows with aura back in a corner. The water has a dark shade close to black, the air, smooth and lung chilling. It was nice to be able to raise my head and count the dragonflies up above all the time.

We were in luck because the cable cars were the new thing, romantic it was to sit in a box of glass listening to rain drops pit-a-pat in a backdrop of misty mountains and deep waters, like those found in forgotten tales or legends or so.

This my friend, is a Honey Peach 水蜜桃 Big, round, soft and juicy (please don’t start hearing it wrong) The size of my knuckle if you have seen it before and tastes great. Refreshing with an aloof sweetness. Trust me, once you’ve taken a bite of this, you really wouldn’t mind being the second Snow White and sleep forever with dreams of its taste. It’s my favourite fruit at the moment! :L)

I lost track of time and didn’t take many photos but there was a restaurant in Tai Zhong City that I have to mention called 耕读园 The place had small flowing streams and a huge pond, with stepping stones leading to huts above water. I could spend the whole day there with it’s comfy pillows, hot tea and delicate pastries, appetizers. The best thing was looking out that small wooden window, you could see all the amazing Koi fish in the pond.There were Koi fishes as long as my arms I swear. With a sprinkling hand of fish feeds and they’ll swarm to your side, one on top of another with gobbling mouths and splashing waters.

There’s a place in Tai Zhong called 后丰 where there used to be a long ancient railway track, it was unused and left there in silence until it recently became a 30km bicycle track. It was absolutely gorgeous, can you imagine? You on a bike, going down a long winding road in red, with rows of trees on both your left and right, their shadows dancing mysteriously on your body. Feeling the warmth of the noonday sun on your skin and the fast paced wind on your face.

The old train carriage. I absolutely had the best of time at Tai Zhong although my trip was short. I’m planning to visit cousin B during Winter Holiday, and maybe by then I’ll have more to say about Tai Zhong! (:

The rose remembers

2010-09-05T06:16:00.000-07:00

“ Beauty never slumbers, all is in her name.

But the rose remembers,the dust from which it came. ”

- Edna St. Vincent Millay

Footsteps

2010-09-04T06:16:00.000-07:00

“ I believe that if I should die, and you were to walk near my grave,

from the very depths of earth, I would hear your footsteps. ”

- Benito Perez Galdos

We listen to good songs

2010-09-01T08:47:00.000-07:00

Heyah! I’m leaving for Taiwan tomorrow, it’s less than 24 hours to my flight and boy oh boy am I excited! Just to tell you a secret, I had a nervous breakdown yesterday, (I know!) it’s embarrassing! But haha, it’s not because I’m spoilt or I’m dependant and am worried about living on my own. Just that LuLu (my injured left knee) has been naughty, swelling like a balloon, so I just got carried away imagining the worst. I had already sacrificed a lot this whole year due to LuLu, I really don’t want my brand new start to go wrong, that’s forgivable right? Plus, I’m a perfectionist, God knows how much flaws hurts me. But I’m consoled. I have trust that Jesus knows what’s best for me. And if the knee problem continues to be a problem I have to face when I am in Taiwan, I whole heartedly accept this challenge. I want to be totally optimistic.

By the way, Melinda came all the way from Kuala Lumpur to Seremban (taking the old school KTM) to bid goodbye. Now here’s your cue for a big fat ‘awwwwwwwwww’. She insist that she spend the last night with me before I leave (I know we sound like some lover or something) My mummy and daddy brought us out for dinner, and Jane got to meet her too! Tomorrow mummy and daddy are going to bring us for good ‘ol morning Dim Sum before we head to the Airport :D HEH, I like.

(Melinda just said the thought of Dim Sum alone makes her so happy, she wants to close her eyes right now, and it’s tomorrow morning, and it’s Dim Sum in her mouth :O)

(she also just said I make her sound like some stupid beeee-otch!)

Anyway, I’m just glad I got to get everything done before I leave. Settling the responsibilities I have, gather with my uncles from Canada, chan toi geok (meaning enjoying a good meal in Cantonese) with my lovely aunts, spending time with my niece Jane, my sisters, my parents, getting to say goodbye to Mel, and finally pack –.- You have no idea how much wisdom it takes to pack alone. Heh.

In addition, my papa is going to be at the airport tomorrow, it was a total surprise that he’d actually come send me off. (well, the bad side is, who knows I might cry and flood the airport and then they won’t let me board my flight, oh no!) HAHA, sorry, I am just in a good mood. God is so good.

I know I won’t be blogging the first few days in Taiwan, all though I will be visiting Museums and having good food (and probably have a lot to say). But I’ll update as soon as I can. Meanwhile, I’ve auto-published a few post to entertain you while I’m gone, just in case you like me and miss me too much :D

By the way, as to Melinda’s reply to what she wants to tell my readers, she says she forgot to bring her eye make up remover, and is wanting to scratch her (eye) balls out or like nobody’s business. I guess we better leave her alone. Aha.

Adios guys, pray for me kay! :D

Getogethers

2010-08-30T02:47:00.000-07:00

My Uncle Chew and Uncle Yong together with their families returned to Malaysia from Canada for Summer Vacation. It was wonderful getting to know my second cousins and speak to them with my fake Canadian accent. They’ve not been back for a decade, and it’ll probably be forever until they do again, so the trip back is all about food food and fooooooooood.

My stomach only took up a portion of their consumed food and it has already made me grow a size bigger. 志同道合, eating became the biggest connection really, they satisfy that decade longing, I eat for the year-long-longing that’ll arrive pretty soon. I have the advantage of perfect timing this turn!

It’s custom to serious dinner in order to bid proper goodbye to those who are going away. So here’s the first for me. As departure draws close, dinner dates pile. I manage to have steamboats, dim sums, high teas, traditional dinners, etc. I spoke to my aunts and uncles, who took care of me; my cousins who spoilt me really. I also took chance to play with my younger nieces and nephews and bought them ice cream.

I feel very blessed every single meal and date spent with my family and relatives. It’s God’s blessing to sit down with your loves and have a proper good meal. The warmth that I’ve felt from them means so much to me. I’m so fat right now, haha. They all generously spoil me because I’m the youngest cousin. Bah! (:

Your lips

2010-08-27T23:30:00.000-07:00

“ She is eating butterflies when she dreams of you.

They trickle down her throat and taste like your lips, and every square inch on her body becomes the feel of your fingertips connecting her to the dots that create silhouettes of your bodies. ”

“ Some days I want to scream with the wonders of life, the slice of the blue sky, a small brown bird’s chirp goodbye, a slim freckled shoulder beneath a pale silk dress.

But some lone, long nights, I want nothing more than to curl beneath the blanket, close my eyes, and die. ”

“ I want to start slow, ease my way into the shallow waters of your memory, deeming early I was not ready to plunge headfirst into the ocean of your ghost. ”

“ I love the way light shines on top of the water, floating like diamonds atop the muddy water, like jewels adorning an unworthy soul.

There is a piece of you in me. Just like there is a piece of sky in the sea. ”

Point of view

2010-08-25T03:04:00.000-07:00

I am always curious about how people see me. When I was younger it used to drive me crazy because you know, I look at myself through the point of view of others. Not that now that I’ve grown up it doesn’t matter, it still does, just less. I’m still curious though. I guess we all act differently in front of different people, and there are only the chosen few who knows us inside out and our many personalities. I’ve always wanted to be one thing, to stand on one side. I don’t know if that makes me an extremist. But like my mama says, ourselves and our life, it is always about combination and I hope I make a good combination.

Why I wrote

2010-08-21T07:03:00.000-07:00

You know, I was about to give up on my blog or continue expressing in English altogether because I was just so jaded by the things I write and the things I read in blogs. But it turns out that when something big hits me, I always come back here. When I am terrified, frightened, upset and sad, the most natural thing to do was to come here and write something, anything. That if I jot down something here I’d feel better and stronger and braver to change the things I can and accept the things I can’t.

When I have a problem, I come here and just start writing, whatever it is. No matter if what I write seems to be bits and pieces that are incoherent or that my lousy grammar and amateur vocabulary starts to show. The most miraculous thing is, once I am done, my cloudy mind seems to be cleared and I will be focused, motivated, energized and mostly hopeful.

For some time, when my blog was getting popular I sort of lost control of what I wrote. I seem to write only what people wanted to read. And I guess that’s why I was so mundane and vexed. But the only thing I am thinking right now is ‘screw it’ I’ll write what I want and what I like. I want to experience again the reason why I started writing in the first place back in year 2006 when no one reads my blog.

You can always tell if it is a heartfelt post.

Alright

2010-08-18T05:18:00.000-07:00

Hello.

I just came home after seeing daddy switch to a normal ward from ICU after the 48 critical hours that safely passed. Also, he had an operation that startled me with the sight of all that blood. But then, amazed by the advancement of technology, I’ve never seen a heart like that before!

Needless to say, everyone from the family is relieved but exhausted from both the deprivation of sleep and the emotional trauma. For the past few days I felt like a rubber band, a string stretched much too tight that could snap and break any moment; although I kept a positive outlook. Among all that stress, I still continued my physiotherapy sessions and all the hard core work-outs. The last thing I need is a muscle/nerve/joint/knee problem when my departure date is on a countdown of 15.

Anyway the doctor says that daddy can no longer smoke. Which is going to be hard for a heavy smoker of 30 years. And there’s also his cholesterol problem we have to deal with. But we’re all being very optimistic.

Heart

2010-08-17T00:34:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, my daddy went to the park with my mummy for their routined morning walk. I wasn’t there because I was a sleepy head. I was still wrapped in my warm blanket when the house phone annoyingly rang. I picked the call and my mummy said text your Mee Che now, tell her that daddy fainted during his jog. But my phone was barred and I was panicking without anyone at home to give me a helpful suggestion.

Before I know it I was on my way to the hospital. By that time, my mummy and Mee Che were already there. Kah Che meanwhile was rushing in the airport, catching the earliest and fastest flight possible from China to return to Malaysia. My daddy had a serious case of heart attack. It was frightening, his heart rate was only 50 and he was pale and all energy was drawn from his body. I stood by him and hold his hand and he was mumbling something to me but it made little sense.

The doctor gave him two pills to help dilute his blood but that didn’t work. The nurses had a third one on stand by and the doctor decide to give him a jab. I’ve never been so afraid in my life. Just looking at my strong and macho daddy, who usually teases me and crack jokes lying motionless there, connected to machines and wires a plenty is heartbreaking. Life is shocking in that way, just the night before I was watching TV with him and making him a peanut butter sandwich and this morning a heart attack strikes with no previous symptoms.

Everyone was frightened. But among all the anxiety, sitting beside my Kah Che and Mee Che and my mummy along with some of the relatives that came to visit was comforting.

So last night, Mee Che and I spent the night in the musty sofas of the waiting room beside the Cardio Intensive Care Unit, spiritually supporting our daddy as he waits for the critical 48 hours to pass. I’m so worn out right now. It’s so ironic. When things happen and you have no power to change the situation, you turn to God. I feel so guilty because I hate it when I only remember the power of prayer during these hours, but still I prayed earnestly for God’s healing on daddy.

God is so good. Daddy is better now. And all of us could breathe a little easier. He is still in ICU, still waiting to do scans and check-ups to decide if operations are necessary. The worst seems to be over now. But there’s still much left to do. At the moment, I think all my heart is taken up with care for my daddy. We’re very eager to accompany my daddy on his journey to recovery.

Praise the lord (‘:

Breathe me

2010-08-09T23:10:00.000-07:00

I was at the park this morning.

There were trees, many different trees with different wood, different leaves and different colours. Which was very comforting to be with. There were blossoming flowers, vibrant and lively. Which was very nice to look at. There were a lot of interesting sounds that I can’t mimic, from birds and insects all kinds, which took away the regret of not bringing earphones. There was a large lake I passed by, and it reflected the whole of the sky I liked, very blue with bright clouds like cotton. The water was very still, and I saw some dragonflies. The air was damp and very sweet smelling, every breath was chilling when it went in. The corners of my mouth twitched during the first step, I was smiling later, for the entire walk.

I think these morning walks in the park is going to do more good than just my knee. Because I was in such high spirits later and ate a bigger breakfast than usual. Today is the best day I’ve had upon arriving.

Being surrounded by nature is inspiring and humbling! And tomorrow, we’re going to venture into the woods if it does not rain tonight. How exciting.

I’ll never be the same

2010-07-19T05:58:00.000-07:00

Never in my expectation, imagination or slightest thought, that my departure to Taiwan would be the source to the waters in your eyes. So thank you, for treasuring me when I least believe my worth in a friend.

If we ever meet again.

My best friend is a bimbo

2010-07-19T02:20:00.000-07:00

Hello, Joanna is right beside me right now. She came dropping by after college to ~~see me~~ spend quality time with me! (:

And she came with a ….. Care Package!

This girl is so sweet, she packed a box-full of things that I’ll need to use in Taiwan.
That’s not only it, she had to carry the box the whole day in college.

*here’s your cue for a big AWWW*

Care Package ♥

‘To concentrate on your studies and write to all of us back here’
-A notebook, sweet (and pink!) stationary, cute foam stickers, glue, eraser, a pen with a monkey that moves when you write, post-it-notes, correction tape, and omg adorable clips!

‘To keep yourself occupied on the plane’
-Bible studies for students (very helpful), The wives of Bath by Wendy Holden and rubic cube! (I’ve always wanted one)

‘To keep all your important things safely’
-A big cosmetic bag, a really beautiful Chinese silk pouch, a mobile phone container!

‘To take care of yourself properly’
-A looooofah, Clinique facial products, cute animal plasters! Head band, bandana, Mosquito Patch (she take care of the small details, I’ve been whining about the centipedes there, rofl).

The Care Package made me so happy because there was so much love from this girl (‘:

Oh, and she promised to adopt Mr.Smiiley while I’m away and take good care of it. So if I come back and see him thinner, you know you’re in trouble hah!

Take what you will tonight, I’ll give as fast

2010-07-17T17:59:00.000-07:00

Pulling these strings, holding these lips.

I oppress my thoughts like how the eccentric mum locks the rebel daughter in her electric pink room. Run run runaway. Because I dread your face, because I swear my tongue knows so well these words they’ve trace in dreams.

Now only do you say

2010-07-13T22:43:00.000-07:00

Quote Kenn, ‘This person that I've grown into, doesn't seem to be able to write any substantially emotional shit anymore.’

Anyway, here’s something I enjoyed reading from LeLove some time ago.

The Problem Is My House

Dear J,

The problem is my house. You made love to me in my bed. You spent TV seasons with me under that black and white blanket on my sofa. You sat on my front porch talking to my mom, and you snuck in through my basement window to see me.

The problem is my house. I remember what it feels like to fit kisses sloppily between our laughs that time on the cabana by my pool. And the night sky through my window looks the same tonight as it did the night you had your arms around me. And I can still feel my heart rise when you threw me playfully onto your shoulders and whirled me around in front of my mirror.

Never mind that you were my first lover. Never mind that once, you held my heart in your hand. Never mind that you have discovered all of me, my every flaw and freckle.

The problem is my house. You’ve left your memory in all the rooms and your lips on all the cups. Your faded image flickers as it lounges on my kitchen chair smiling, like a dream my house is having.

I want to let you go. I need to. My heart is mine now; it hasn’t skipped an honest beat to breath your name in a while. But the problem isn’t my heart. The problem is my house - ‘cause in it, you’re everywhere to me.

College is coming in September, and I'll be gone. Away from this house and this town. Until then, "I'll be seeing you, in all the old familiar places..."

Love always, G

About time

2010-07-06T01:22:00.000-07:00

I went to the Alumni Association of Taiwan Universities, Malaysia today to get my admission letter.

Read on your own.

National Taiwan Normal University is just like any other University you know. Quite similar to the local colleges like Taylors, Help, the only difference being it’s a University. I got into their preparatory program which is a Pre-U program, similar to the Pre-U programs offered locally like A levels, SAM, SAT or so.

This preparatory program starts fall semester 2010 (September 2010) and ends at the last of spring semester 2011 (June 2011), a whooping 9 months including winter break. I will be doing 6 subjects (Mandarin, English, Math, History, Geography and Taiwan Sivic) excluding PE classes and extra subjects like Arts and Music. I’ll use the results from my final exams held May/June 2011 to apply Taiwan Universities. If everything goes according to plan, I’ll start my first year at University in Taiwan September 2011, doing my degree in either Language or History (I hope!)

This is what my soon to be school looks like.

The school’s a boarding school. So think eating, sleeping, studying and seeing your classmates every waking moment of the day. I really don’t want to elaborate on the school, I rather talk about it when I’m there (:

So, this is when I’m leaving,

2nd of September 2010, Thursday, from KLIA.

I’ll be packing my bags and moving back to Seremban from August onwards, to spend a good 1 month with my relatives and loves. Considering its July now, that leaves me a solid 4 more weeks at this big hustle bustle of Kuala Lumpur/Petaling Jaya. I’ve never been out of town/city for such a long period, it’s weird. But I’m excited about doing something different, something out of my comfort zone (:

I’ve got loads of stuff to do now. There’s a trip back to Penang to visit relatives/medical check-up/PVNS report from doctor, there’s a small trip back to Seremban to get my passport/identification card/visas/i have no idea what but they are related documents done, a lot of bank account/shopping/packing/phone registration and little what-nots to settle. And heck I have a big schedule for physio because it’s a critical moment and Miss Thanh is all about ‘you’ve got to build your muscles Ninoo…’

Fuuuh, okays okays, my head is hurting from all that cramming of to-dos so, Adios Amigos!

One Summer’s Day

2010-07-04T21:38:00.000-07:00

I’ve been out very often lately. Doing things I’ve been longing to do since the day I hurt my leg, doing things I thought I miss terribly. But it turns out after all the months of staying indoors, I’ve been shaped another person, I mean sure I enjoy spending time with my friends, satisfying my materialistic urges and my vain needs, but it doesn’t make me high on cloud nine like it does before, nor does it make me feel as happy as I thought it would months ago.

I had a wonderful birthday. I had great dinners, wonderful gatherings, hilarious outings, and a very good party, a party just like how I’ve always wanted.

But all this has got to stop, and it did. My birthday felt like a climax of all the things I use to enjoy, things I use to enjoy as a, as a teen. Not that I’m not a teen anymore, but I’m 18 now, and I feel like it is time to move on from that phase. That’s why this big celebration of being 18 seems like a closure. And true to that, a door just closed behind me. I couldn’t ask for better really, I’m grateful.

And here’s your cue for a smile (:

18 Candles.

2010-07-02T08:17:00.000-07:00

A long due entry. But here’s how I celebrated my 18th birthday.

On 22nd of June itself I invited my closest friends to my place for a simple home cooked meal. And when I say home cook it means I’m the one who’s cooking.

Early in the morning, after physio, my mum took me to the morning market to get the ingredients.

Came home, laid the stuff out, looked at my mum and said ‘Ma, I think we over did it’ She laughed and said ‘yeah I think so too’

So the plan was to cook for 5 friends plus my mum and I. That goes up to 7 people.
And that’s a lot, right?

Considering I normally just pop myself a bowl of vegetarian soup or just fix myself a salad or worse microwaved Maggi Mee. Very ambitious I know, I also scared myself a bit.

I was going to take pictures of everything I did cause I super proud lah. But in the end I was so busy because there was so many things to be done and so stressed because the so many things to be done was not looking like they’re about to be done (wah, long sentence XD) I just gave up.

But I’ll tell you what I cooked lah.

This appetizer thing with prawn, avocado, water chestnut and mango in a stick. The prawn was marinated in chopped coriander leaves, olive oil and lemon juice.
Side dish was salad consisting of chicken, apple, lettuce, cherry tomato, you know what I can’t remember.
Main course was pasta with home brewed tomato paste, home fried minced meat (plus muchroom) and basil leaf (but no one layaned the basil haha)
Dessert was fruit and ice cream.
For drinks you should really REALLY try this. Peel lemons like they’re orange (remove the skin) and juice the whole thing. Combine the proportion of 1/5 lemon juice and 4/5 Ice Cream Soda and it taste great when it is chilled :D

But I didn’t take any pictures of any of the above too. Cause K was too hungry he sorta ate everything before I could start, haha. Nevertheless I had a very good time with my best mates.

Especially when L and J was with me on that green patch of grass beside the pool just being ourselves and talking like any other day. It was so ordinary and just normal, but that appeals to me more than anything else. Just me and my friends, so comfortable I don’t have to be anyone but myself.

The day was just like how I wanted it to be. Joanna made me the most heartfelt gift I’ve ever received. She made a mixtape of songs that has our memories of being friends since Form 2. She even does an introduction before each song, it was really funny but warming when I hear her voice. Thanks to Lu for the scented candle too, my mum says she’ll find a way to make it useful (:

The next day I was out with L to catch up after her big adventure at National Service and also to do some shopping for my party. Here’s a photo.

So this year’s celebration was good because I get to spend time with people I love on the exact date of my birthday (:

You’re so pale

2010-06-25T22:26:00.000-07:00

I try to recall a lot of things but I couldn’t. All the things that I held on dearly, close to my heart. They seem to fade away like wisps of silver wind, carrying your scent. Memories of you, they shimmer like wandering ghosts of the past. I want to look at you, look at your face, look at those eyes and look at those lips. But I couldn’t. Honey, I try searching for you. But you’re so pale, so pale, so very pale; under the present light.

Hello Hello Baby

2010-06-21T23:38:00.000-07:00

It is tradition for me to do a birthday post.

You know, do a little reflection on the past and a little thought on the future. I can just imagine myself old and wrinkled, reading the stupid things I wrote when I was 18.

I don’t really feel anything about turning 18 although there’s a constant reminder from others that this is suppose to be a big day, some sort of milestone. Not feeling anything isn’t necessarily good or bad, neither is it some form of jaded rebel, it’s just, indifference ya’ know?

One thing’s for sure, 18 years sure is a long way (no need me to remind you that if you’ve got 60 years to live, that’s like 1/3 of it gone). I am really proud of myself when I look back on all the things I’ve done. Good things because they were well, good. And bad things because lessons learnt are always more valuable than your grand achievements. Something that Mama said a few days ago did strike me, God speaks to you through your life experiences. & That thought alone makes me so excited about tomorrow. You know, like what’s going to happen next? *jumps around giddily*

I’ve been reading my last 2 birthday posts. At 16, all I could think of was myself. I expect everything from everyone. It seems like being angry, emotional and depressing was the only way to grab more attention from other people. At 17, my mentality was growing at the speed of 5 years in 5 months, enough to cover for all those years of being really retarded and annoying. But it was good, you know, to deal with self-esteem issues and love that new found self-respect. Because that year I realize in the end, you are responsible for your own life. I stopped depending on other people and found a way to be content because happiness is a state of mind. But duh, there was still drama here and there while I experimented with my brand new self-confidence.

As for right now, I’m still a work in progress. Still discovering in a slow and steady pace more about myself. I really want to be more conscious and look deeper within. For a change, I am really trying to work less for myself and more for others. 16, I thought the world revolved around me. 17, I was sitting side by side with my peers. and now at 18, I really want to try serving others instead. I know it might be a late for all this to strike me, but this change is for the better right? I am really motivated and hyped to do more than my expectations for other people.

That’s why I don’t really feel anything this birthday. And when I say feelings, I meant for myself. All this time I’ve been using a magnifying glass to view my own world. Exaggerating every joy and pain (especially pain). I don’t want to do that anymore. You grow up, and you learn that you are only this small in this universe, your problems only mean this much. Don’t self-indulge in your small circle, because your sight might be so narrowed you can only see this far.

So here’s a toast and a wish. To the future, to self-discovery, and to serving others with the best of my abilities.

Happy 18th birthday Briana Nino Leong ♥

Much Love Mondays {antique thrifts}

2010-06-20T22:05:00.000-07:00

Click here, to learn about Anna’s blog and Much Love Mondays.

Amcorp Mall has always been a favourite place of J and mine. Even back in high school we use to hang out there after class.

You just have to look past that old building that feels a bit musty occasionally, or not let the empty, sort of deserted halls bug you. Really. I know most of the shops look pretty run down, not to mention they look like they haven’t been getting customers for weeks due to the dust and the wacky displays, but have some patience and dig a little harder, you’ll actually find a gem or jewel among the ruins. And for a terribly good price (;

In additional, on weekends they have flea market selling loads of antiques and vintage. I love them, I wish I could buy as much as I want to decorate my room, but since I’m leaving to Taiwan soon, what’s the point right? Maybe next week I can take some pictures there and post it up. Old things gives you a nostalgic vibe and a sentimental feeling that new items can’t.

Some charms I got there (except for the shoe, my sister got that for me from Hong Kong) The locket is really old and scratched, but I like it that way more than if it was new. Also, I can’t wait to get my name engraved on that heart ♥

Bought more charms and proceeded home, putting together a bracelet for L to welcome her home from National Servive, Guitar and photography are her interests. I can’t explain the handcuff, the car and the dollar sign tho., but they look like a good combination right? Plus, Chinese are all about good elements right? (okay, maybe just the car and the dollar sing but not the handcuff –_-)

I love this keychain. It is made from Brass, kinda heavy. Like above picture, it says: Nobody’s perfect … except the captain. So I guess that makes me the captain? :D lol lol lol

A really sweet but broken bracelet. I can’t wait to fix it with some ribbon and a locket charm, I’m sure it will look fab. Also, antique safety pins made from brass. I’ve already got a few ideas what to do with them. Brooches and key chains should be good yes?

Fraulein, by Ellen Von Unwerth

2010-06-17T10:24:00.000-07:00

Note : This post contains adult content.

“ Ellen Von Unwerth (born 1956 in Germany) is a photographer and director, specializing in erotic femininity. She worked as a fashion model for ten years herself before moving behind the camera, and now makes fashion, editorial, and advertising photographs. “

Wikipedia on Ellen Von Unwerth

The book, Fraulein (meaning ‘beautiful young lady’ in German) published by Taschen (art book publisher) runs a whooping 482 pages and costs $700. The book is limited edition of 15,000 copies, signed by Ellen herself.

"Fraulein" features over 1000 provocative photographs of icons such as Claudia Schiffer, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, Kate Moss, Vanessa Paradis, Britney Spears, Eva Mendes, Lindsay Lohan, Dita von Teese, Adriana Lima, Carla Bruni, Eva Green and many many more.

The images combine beautifully crafted scenarios, high production values with a joyful spontaneity.

Von Unwerth's color and immaculate black and white photographs celebrate sex, femininity, romance and the sheer joy of living the moment. And if that moment features a riding crop, handcuffs, maybe a very flimsy negligee, or some black stockings and a brilliant smile, then so much the better.

Sometimes the subjects willingly flaunt and delight in their intimate fantasies. Other times, it seems as if we are voyeurs who have stumbled into these very private and guarded moments.

Ellen Von Unwerth has become one of the most influential fashion photographers in the world in the past few decades. Her images - whether color or black and white - are united by their production values and an impeccable sense of detail, but also for conveying a spontaneity that gleefully celebrates sexuality and femininity.

A fabulous mix of voyeurism and humor, teasing out the wilder nature of her subjects.

The women in the images are enchanting; you cannot help but gaze at them.

Fantasy and effortless freewill pour out from the pages of her new book.

Ellen von Unwerth has an invitation to this whimsical world that's actually living and breathing. She has captured the rare happenings and presents them to her viewers in beautiful form.

(All the information and desription above are taken from various reviews and publishers. They are not of my own)

Alright alright, let the pictures do the talking!

I would really like to pick a favourite, but I can’t. I mean, aren’t they absolutely gorgeous? So beautiful it is breath taking. But right now, I think I like this the most.

I really can’t post all 482 pages for you to view. But I found a website that allows you to browse through the whole book conveniently, so what are you waiting for? Click here.

By the way, what do you people think about her photography?
I’ve got loads of inspiring finds lately, regarding amazing photography. I am not sure if I should post it up. Let me know if you enjoy it, because I’d love to share.

Have a good weekend!

Take a look in look out point

2010-06-15T09:00:00.000-07:00

After MIA with the BFF for a gazillion months (hah, nola, 9 months only, the last being sending Yik Luei to the Airport) I finally cannot stand and wanted dinner with them. I suggested Ampang Look Out Point and all of them enthusiastically agreed.

Okay, now, forgive my profanities.

But tamade, seriously, tamade. Willion’s car with GPRS got there with no-problem-o. But EeZhen’s car (which I was in) had to tail Willion’s car. Not only does Willion drives super fast like he was ditching us instead of leading us. He gan gan (dare dare) tell us to go up a bridge when him himself went under. Nevermind, he then proceeded to give us a bunch of directions which has no sense at all.

‘first traffic light turn left’
When we reach the first traffic light, tamade turn left will zhong beck (hit the wall)

Calvin same thing, ask him to give directions he dare tell me this,
’okay, you go straight, you will see the first Shell Station on your right, you go straight again, then you see the second Shell station of your left, you go straight again, then you see the third shell station on your right with Caltex and BP on your left, you go straight again’
’Calvin, can you get to the point?’
’then you go straight, then the first traffic light you see ChiliHouse on your right, then you go straight then you see Korean BBQ on your left then you turn right’
’Which means I keep going straight until I see the Korean BBQ then I turn right is it?’
’Yes’

%^&*&**%$# right? right?! right?!!
He talk 5 minutes but his point was only one sentence, roflmao!

Next time, remind me not to say yes to 4 idiot being in the same car and expect them to give directions. Did you know, I left my place at 6.30 pm and reached there at 10.30?

So much for being early and getting parking and a good.
So much for being early and watching the sunset.
So much for being early because I was hungry.
I almost wanted to swallow Calvin alive laaah.

4 blardy hours can go Penang liao.
When I left, I left with an empty bladder.
Until my bladder full liao, pee liao, and still we can’t find the place.

In the end, Willion had to come down from the hill to lead us back up again :)
Mou ngan tai :O
Haha, but when we were there we were all in good spirits lah.

Sooooo hungry )’:
(haha, yeah lah, you can see me secretly smiling, but that’s just cause we found the place)

We dined at the Western Restaurant. My lamb was really good.

The rest of them were also satisfied with their food.

Now, you’d expect things to be expensive there. But really, it is reasonable (:

Calvin dearest posing with the banana split we shared.

Chern Jung looks like his eyes are at the wrong place. But I had to put this up because Willion was so cool (:

EeZhen, thank you for the 4 hour drive. You poor thing :O

My brother.
Aha, nope, I kid. This photo made us realise how much we resemble each other.
Look at our features, and even our specs! :D

The Met Steps!

A bit gay. But since their Fb status says married… …

I know I gained some weight :$

Ooops, Imma out of the picture.

Picture Purrfect.
Posers, GAGA.

Because everyone had school the other day, we headed home after dinner. But still, it was 2 o’clock when I reached home, yawns ♥

Help me choose

2010-06-15T06:59:00.000-07:00

I am in dilemma.

Tumblr seems so convenient I want to be a convert. But there are some features from Blogger that Tumblr cannot compete with. Besides, Tumblr is promoting bad poetry, a murderer of proper expressing of ideas, thoughts and feelings. It is like Twitter, without the 140 word limit. Oh, but it is sooo convenient :O

Blogger has the new ‘design’ function. Which after some test drive tells me it is so convenient, sophisticated and cool. But I put in so much effort for my current design! It is originally a Minimia White until I edited it part by part and bit by bit with all the CSS knowledge I master. It has everything I want and everything I need. I designed it according to my needs. But, the new ‘design’ function is so convenient :O

What do you say? Tumblr or Blogger? Old template or new design?

Comfort zone or convenience?

Lost Cause

2010-06-15T03:21:00.000-07:00

The problem with people who mean what they say, is they think everyone is the same. We treasure different things, and sometimes I get hurt because what’s precious to me might mean little to you. I won’t try to change anything about you, because being different is what make things so interesting. Also because, I don’t think you can ever change someone for your own benefit.

But I will, learn to change my attitude, to soften myself in order to accept how things are. My mum always taught me 只要对自己要求，做好本份就好了。记得，严己宽人。Strict towards yourself, but forgiving towards others. I use to cry and be all dramatic about the promises people break. But right now, I listen to words you say and half believe them. It’s not that I don’t trust you, I just hold on to this thought that if you keep your promises then great, if you don’t then I know you tried. If you don’t and you didn’t even try, well, that’s too bad (‘:

I expect everything from myself and nothing from you. In the end I am able to tell you ‘it’s okay’ in the calmest tone. You can go do all the wrong things, as long as I remain true to myself.

Because really, I never trust the things you say at night.

Don’t tell anyone

2010-06-13T10:49:00.000-07:00

I am so addicted to Cheryl Cole – Parachute. It is crazy (:

I am loving the Head Bands Joanna got me from China!
I am finally allowed to do sports again. Come my house and swim with me.
I am losing weight atm. Exercise FTW ♥
Remember I was complaining about horrible skin due to lack of exercise and toxins building up in my system? (making the taaar road smoother than my face?) Well, exercising, 9 hours of sleep and 4 litres of water daily is a miracle equation. No need to depend on expensive SKII or whatever.
OMG, hahaha. I’ve been trying this new thing lately. It makes my eyelashes super long, thick and healthy. Let me share with you: VASELINE. Google for more.
I am so busy preparing for my 18th birthday. I seriously cannot wait. So far, the guest list is done, so is assigning, addressing and making arrangements for the guests. Fuh, hard work. I hope it is worth it.
Conversation as below,

Briana: Mel, remember how I told you I am leaving to Taiwan in 3 months and that is super long and I cannot wait? I realize, in a glimpse, half a month is already gone.

Melinda: OMG, shuttap.

Briana: Which means I only have 5 more glimpses and I’ll be gone for good.

Melinda: OMG, I FOR BID YOU TO BLINK, I FORBID YOU!

What the heck right? My eyes damn pain now. Bye (:

Wonder

2010-06-12T00:27:00.000-07:00

Ever wonder what does clouds taste like? I always do. I think they’ll taste like candy canes, sweetness just alright. Oh! along with breaths of mint, cooling and smooth. I don’t like sticky throats. Probably soft like cotton but definitely crispy on the side. That sounds good doesn’t it? Cotton crisps, yum ♥

Dusting off

2010-06-11T09:27:00.000-07:00

Go, listen to Pomplamoose – Mr. Sandman

Since Joanna is having her Semester break, I dragged her out with me to Curve on Tuesday.

We watched Prince of Persia and karaoke-d at Red Box.

Prince of Persia
Everyone keeps telling me how good it is, and I am not disappointed. Although I prefer art films and documentaries nowadays, I thought this movie, bearing that big promotion title of ‘Disney’s next Pirates of the Caribbean’ was able to deliver to say the least, a B. The script was average (considering it was originally a video game), but with good looking cast, a suitable amount of good battling scenes, understandable storyline/dialogues, fast and compact plot and amazing (expensively built or not) scenes of ancient cities and deserts, it is worth 2 hours spent in the cinema. After so many box office flops that were so promising before screening like Jennifer’s Body, I love Beth Cooper and such, I’d say Prince of Persia is very good.
Karaoke
If you don’t already know, Red Box is having holiday promotion. Weekdays 1pm to 6pm, flash your student card and you get an awesome rate of RM 8++ Was there to help Jo lose her Karaoke virginity. Because last year, at the car park steps during recess, she promised that she’ll only lose her karaoke virtue under my permission and company. She’s so good with promises! We had such a great time, and I can prove it to you with physical damage, which is, a really scary sore throat, albeit giving me a sexay voice that sounds like a female version of Louis Armstrong :D hahahah

Photos and ciao!

Sweet Sweet Songs

2010-06-09T08:59:00.000-07:00

Remember the Mixtape Swap that Julia and I hosted during May?

Well, just now while back from Aunt Jackie’s house party, mum and I went to check the mail and OMG my first mixtape is here!

This wonderful Mixtape entitled ‘Sweet Sweet Songs’ is from Camila of Brazil. Hello! *waves*
Pictures!

With trembling trembling hands. I was in the lift and I was this close to ripping it open like a madwoman if it wasn’t for other passengers staring at me weirdly. Cause my eyes had this strongly oppressed look like someone holding in too much pee.
The front cover, ‘Sweet Sweet Songs’. Oh macaroons, sweet alright! (;
Interior. Look at this, isn’t it absolutely beautiful?
She also put in effort for the back of the cover. Aww.
The whole package, including Bubblegum from Brazil. HAHAHA, how cool is that? I get bubblegum all the way from Brazil. Foreign, yummy and tax free, lol. This is really sweet, I think the Mixtape really live up to the title of ‘Sweet Sweet Songs’

I quickly opened it when I got home and played it.

Some songs are from artists that I know, like Coconut Records, Death Cab For Cutie, Kings of Leon, Scarlett Johansson and Pomplamoose. But I have not heard any of the songs from the mixtape, which is great.

Ths mixtape consist of mostly Indie and Jazz, which is my absolute favourite. There are also some foreign songs, which I assume is Portugese. The playlist is so soothing, and relaxing, but with an edge of rock somewhere in between. The kind of playlist that is great to blast in your car when you’re on a roadtrip or in your stereo when you’re having a relaxing evening at home.

I think, for the time being, Nouvelle Vague – Blue Monday is my most liked.

All in all, I LOVE IT. Thank you Camila!

A string of takeaways

2010-06-05T06:51:00.000-07:00

Go listen to Death Cab For Cutie – What Sarah Said.

A rare occasion. Today I feel very complete.

Surrounded by grey skyscrapers

2010-06-04T02:08:00.000-07:00

Go, listen to Robyn – Bum Like You. She’s good, *pause* the electronic kind of good (: Her song Crash and Burn Girl got featured on Gossip Girl and it was so groovy!

Lately, just small changes and quick footsteps. I’m pushing myself to do more things within my circle. I always feel very good when I am in control, when I am productive, when I am effective, and when I am giving more. Satisfaction and achievement really boosts my self-confidence and self-esteem. Which gives me a firm stand on my own ground and therefore make correct choices instead of easier ones.

Just a little girl talk ♥

Words have fallen silent like soldiers to the grave

2010-06-03T00:54:00.000-07:00

Go, and listen to Aziat – I go, such a mellow song from the Talentime OST.

Sorry for the lack of updates. Let’s do Just A Minute in June with starry bullets ♥

It’s June,

How is your 2010 resolutions looking?
I hope that all of you are closer to your dreams after 6 months of strife
Is it just me or did 2010 fly by before our eyes? Buckle up people!

It’s June,

My 18th is in 3 weeks. Holy Golly Jolly Gosh. Much plans to be made action.
I’m going to preparatory school in Taiwan in 3 months! But more of that later.
Hey, it’s summer. Not that we don’t already have that all year long, but heck, there’s a beautiful picture in my head consisting of sunnies, beaches & ice cool lemonade :D

It’s June,

Reading, Chinese Literature 《大学·中庸》
Waiting, for my mixtape to arrive from Brazil & America, woohoohoo
Watching, Korean Drama ‘Hello My Lady’
Dreaming, of life in Prep School :O
Craving, for sushi.
Anticipating, birthday of course!
Missing, the BFF seniors, Ampang look-out point here we come.
Shopping, headbands (Inner Blair Waldorf on the move)
Loving, Tori Amos. Old school ftw!
Starting, a combination of journal/scrapbook/dreamy inspirations ♥

So what’s June like for you?

My hair is in a mess but I guess that’s okay

2010-05-24T06:45:00.000-07:00

Go, listen to The Asteroid Galaxy Tour – The Sun Ain’t Shining No More. Speaking of suns that don’t shine, there sure is something sexy and appealing about the streets of Bangsar when it’s Friday night.

Dined at La Bodega which I thought was awesome given the salad I ordered. And then, to Alexis for the Pavlova Kenn and Sher Ren wanted, which looks super yum.

It was such a good night, because it’s precisely what I need at the moment: No thoughts, just stone comfortably and listen to their funny shit.

Yesterday was Pentecost, also the send off from RCIA class. I can’t believe how fast a year passes us by! I was always there on Sunday evenings attending classes, even during Sports Day, Band Concert, SPM, Prom and everything else! I’m mildly horrified of feeling lost next Sunday evening, it’s normal for me to have withdrawal syndrome. I’ll not know what to do.

Made some thank you envelope/cards for the wonderful facilitators.

I’m so happy that my therapy has cut down to 9 times a week, compared to the crazy 14 times a week last month, I’ve got time to do the things I like now. I started watching some really artistic Chinese (China production) films and also started studying Chinese Literature (Wen Yan Wen) on my own. In addition, it’s nice to go out with the lovelies once in a while.

Oh well, bye bye, I realise I’m terrible long-winded. Here, my therapist has an awful sense of humour, because this is what I found in the bathroom. And it got me laughing so badly I swear my pee was coming out twice the speed as it would any other day! (:

The cutest pair of nostrils

2010-05-23T21:35:00.000-07:00

Go, listen to Anya Marina – Whatever You Like. Hmm, dreamy!

Hello, this is the first time I’m doing a much love monday.
So here’s what I love: My friend, Sher Ren’s heart shape nostrils!

It wasn’t until last Friday at Alexis that I found out about Sher Ren’s awesome nostrils!
Seriously, I was so amused and made everyone look at the ceiling while I check their nostrils one by one. You know, just in case there are triangular/square/rectangle/diamond shaped nostrils. But no, I was disappointed! But hey Sher Ren, this gives you equal status as the care bears :D Now ain’t that cool!

I can do it and I do it now

2010-05-20T10:11:00.000-07:00

Go, listen to The Plastiscines – Bitch, it’s such a rock song for dollies.

As much as I hate to admit, I’m your model example when it comes to overprotected and spoilt teens of the new generation. Directly translated from the Chinese Proverb, I am so called ‘the delicate flower grown in the greenhouse’ which in other words mean, a weakling. A good to look at but good for nothing piece of work that’ll probably die in the sun.

Compared to my mother and elder sisters when they were my age, I lack of discipline and perseverance, I am incapable and inefficient and a lot more dependant. I am used to things getting done for me and I am used to taking them for granted. I am use to being spoon-fed. I am feeble and weak. If things were measured by physical body, the elders would be muscles packed in a skin suit and I’ll be a bag of flab.

I give up easily, I avoid the problem instead of solving them, I talk better than I work, I like things to be grand instead of practical, I have big dreams but small capabilities. I am also ignorant and arrogant. I don’t like to listen to advice, I don’t like to be told that I am wrong. I think I am right most of the time. I fail to listen, I fail to be patient, I fail to wait and work hard. I’m also a procrastinator, I do things last minute and I fail to plan or prepare for the future.

Seriously, I have no idea why Sue Ann calls me an achiever who crosses all things on her to-do-list. But never mind that, because I’m going to change now. I’m acknowledging all the above, admitting it all. Everyone knows the first step to change is knowing who you are and where you stand. So that’s what I’m doing, telling you shamefully, yes, that’s me. I don’t think I failed just because I am what I am, because I am not a failure, these are just temporary setbacks.

There’s a moment where you stand up, walk to the mirror, look at yourself, cross your hands and say ‘I’ve had enough of you’. There's a moment where you just can’t stand or accept yourself, because you know deep in your heart that your abilities are way beyond your mediocre performances at the moment. But very often, I pushed this moment away, burying it deep behind my head with tons of excuses because it’s hard work to change, it’s hard work to leave my comfort zone, it’s much more easier and convenient to stick to the present routine!

But like Jack Canfield says, if you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten. And heck, that’s a real bummer. I’m the only person who can use my strengths and abilities. I was telling Joanna, that Briana means ‘strong one’, I’m nothing like that, but I can always work towards that from this moment onwards. I keep reminding myself of the willpower God has given me, the one that can work miracles if I only held on a little tighter and a little longer.

I’ve tried doing things that has been on my to-do-list for weeks, and trust me, the satisfaction of ticking them off my list is humungous. I am a Queen, because I rule myself.

I can do it and I do it now. Now, give me a clap for the courage in picking up my life again, fuuuh! (:

Survived a severe head

2010-05-16T23:41:00.000-07:00

Go, listen to Phantom Planet – Do The Panic.

Hello friends, I’ve been off crutches for a week.
I didn’t mention earlier because I’m not sure it’s permanent.

Then, Miss Thanh told me I will be on my own two feet for as long as I don’t trigger the swelling.
I didn’t mention earlier because I’m not sure it’s permanent.

The truth is, the joint problem has a 45% rate of recurrence, if a ‘I won’t be using crutches or have knee problems for the rest of my life’ post is what I’m waiting for, it’d be never. So I gave up waiting for that and therefore gave up not mentioning it here. I might as well announce as much good news as I receive.

I try not to mention these things here, because I realise how people think I’m miserable. It’s either the way I write or the way people perceive others with illness. I don’t need anyone’s pity or help or so called wise words. I’m not saying all this just to have you spot me as a weakling, I just want to share. And if you can’t read it without putting yourself one notch above me, you might as well not read.

Anyway, the first day without crutches was weird.
I felt like I was 1, and taking flight with baby steps. Lifting my leg up, putting it down, feeling the solid ground with my feet from back to front. I know Lulu is bearing 10 pounds heavier without the crutches’ aid, but contradiction to the gravity, I felt 10 pounds lighter, off my feet and off my chest. The day was consumed with more smiles and giggles than I ever remembered.

Then, I prepared my own meal after 3 months kitchen break.
Which was awesome, because I love making my own meals, no one knows my tongue and stomach like I do. At one point, I stopped eating, stood up, walked to the kitchen to get some serviette. I laughed and told my mum ‘good gracious, I forgot how convenient it is to walk!’ HAHA

Some days ago, I came out from a shower and was dressing myself. Out of a sudden, I became conscious of my actions, my whole being, I quickly took a minute to praise God. Because at that moment, I felt the blessings of walking, which so many of us take for granted.

That thought rippled to being grateful for having hands that can work, ears that can listen, eyes that can see and tongue that can speak. How often do you appreciate your capability of action? A friend of mine who’s brother has autism once told me ‘Talking for us is so terribly easy, so natural that whatever we’re thinking, we can just open our mouth and express it. If you only knew how hard it is for my brother. Talking requires coordination of the lips, tongue, teeth and tone, and that is something he can never manage’

If ruining a knee, and then being able to walk again makes me so grateful. I can only imagine if I was dead, how much I’d like being alive. Which leads me to giving some thought on how I’d like to live this short but precious life that I waste most of the time due to taking it for granted.

Faith told me that God has His meaning behind everything, you might not know it now, but when you look back at things later in life, you’ll thank Him for his miraculous arrangements. And I believe strongly in that. If you asked me ‘why do I deserve such a health problem’ I’d say I don’t know; if you asked me ‘what’s the point of God giving me a joint problem’ I’d say I don’t know too.

But I do know that whatever bad and unexpected situation, I have hope and trust in God. I have complete faith that God has bigger means and bigger love for me, one that I may not comprehend at the moment. And that’s okay, because if there’s a cross I need to carry, there’s always Jesus who’d carry it with me.

‘When things are bad, we take comfort in the thought that they could always get worse. And when they are, we find hope in the thought that things are so bad they have to get better’ Malcom S. Forbes.

A small interruption here, to give a huge gigantic THANK YOU to Melinda, who has been there for me through thick and thin. Even to the point that she fought with her partner & gave up good entertainment just to accompany me. Not to mention lowering herself and serving me. I LOVE YOU Mel, thankyou! :D

She’s got this and I’ve got that

2010-05-14T21:29:00.000-07:00

Go, listen to Kesha – Blind. I was addicted to it sometime ago, though I’m not now, it’s still a great hit. You know, I never really thought that Kesha was as good as people say she is, I cannot identify personally with her ‘ohmygawd-superb-vocal-skills’, her songs are more like talking, blabbing, and a little snorting, go listen clearly to Tik Tok. Oh Well, at least she’s got some good beats :D

Saturday mornings are for dreadful-physio-bike-cycling and good breakfasts! ♥

Just came back from El Meson @ Bangsar, Spanish food is love.

Ayy Mami, watch the red bull :D

Mine. Stewed Pork with Beans.

Olivia’s. Penne Carbonara.

The rest of them ordered this! ‘Breakfast like a King’ Aha!
I’m serious, that’s the name of the dish.
Or is it ‘Breakfast for a King’?

The place was decorated with a lot of effort.
With a lot of details.

And with a lot of strong colours.

Olivia and I ♥

With the rest of them Uncle Aunties.

OH, and Happy Birthday to Auntie Jackie!

My mum wants me to mention that she’s very cool. Haha, byeee!

Wasting time

2010-05-13T21:58:00.000-07:00

Go, listen to Band of Horses – The General Specific, feels like a theme song for happy childhoods ♥

Got to catch up with Kenn after 3 long months. Was so excited that once I jumped into his car I began to yak yak yak. Till the point I forgot to give him a BIGG hug to let him know how much I’ve missed him, & till the point I chose to ignore and forgive his reckless driving :L)

I’m so boring these days. You’d know if you follow my blog. Like anything coming from my mouth and fingers are motionless thin air. Not even oxygen air, more like carbon dioxide air, makes you stiff a yawn and die from nothingness. Nothingness like real nothingness, not even essential PLAIN WATER nothingness or arousing NAKED BODY nothingness.

We had Fish Fingers.
Chocolate Brownie.
& Fried Sausages.

In the end, we’ll see less and less of each other. We’ll sit back against back in silence, avoiding, because we have nothing in common anymore. When our shared past is no longer enough, and when gossips of good ol’ highschool are so mundane and unimportant they taste like rubber in our mouths. But, I hope that aside from reminiscing everything we’ve created together, I’ll have a strong firm believing that when I run to you in pieces, out of nowhere, you’d still be the one that patches me up, tucks me in, & tells me ‘fuck them lah, fuck them’ :’)

OH, and here’s me! Very candid indeed.

I waste all my time with you, & I call it a good waste.

A stick A stone, it’s the end of the road

2010-05-12T02:45:00.000-07:00

Go, and listen to Anya Marina - Waters of March, and have a good cup of tea.

ONE.
♥ If were a month, I’d be June.

Softly standing in the middle, working towards the end.

TWO.
♥ If I were a day of the week, I’d be Wednesday.

Anticipating the rest of the week unknown.

THREE.
♥ If I were a time of day, I’d be Midnight.

Quiet stirrings of possibilities.

FOUR.
♥ If I were a planet, I’d be a one with running waters & many moons.

Go figure.

FIVE.
♥ If I were a sea animal, I’d be a whale.

I’ll sing in the deep.

SIX.
♥ If I were a flower, I’d be daisies.

Fair & bright.

SEVEN.
♥ If I were a kind of weather, I’d be the one with warm suns & generous winds.

For running, prancing, dancing & laughing.

EIGHT.
♥ If I were a musical instrument, I’d be a harmonica.

Old school.

NINE.
♥ If I were a colour, I’d be pale.

Almost white.

TEN.
♥ If I were a fruit, I’d be berries.

Very luscious indeed.

ELEVEN.
♥ If I were a sound, I’d be the sighs of content.

Makes you tingle inside.

TWELVE.
♥ If I were a car, I’d be the 1935 Auburn 851 Speedster.

A classy solid iron affair.

THIRTEEN.
♥ If I were a food, I’d be bubblegum.

chew, blow, pop.

FOURTEEN.
♥ If I were a place, I’d be studiously cosy.

So comfortable your bone melts.

FIFTEEN.
♥ If I were a scent, I’d be something close to nature.

Embracing Mother Earth.

SIXTEEN.
♥ If I were an object, I’d be vintage.

Full of memories.

SEVENTEEN.
♥ If I were a facial expression, I’d be this!

Waiting for what’s next.

EIGHTEEN.
♥ If I were a song, I’d be the one you sing in showers.

For a lifetime.

NINETEEN.
♥ If I were a pair of shoes, I'd be elegant.

And brutally murderous.

TWENTY.
♥ & If I could be anyone, I'd still be me.

Simple!

A second to say, a lifetime to prove

2010-05-10T22:22:00.000-07:00

Go, listen to Lady Gaga - Blueberry Kisses and pucker up.

I’m so fond of above picture.
Because there’s something about beaches, white clothing and messy buns. Oh, & because I’m fan of Amanda Seyfried and Blake Lively.

Sorry for the long absence, just needed time for myself.
That’s what I’m moulding myself to do, a new habit of retreating and breathing. To take some time off whatever I’m doing, to step out of my circle in order to give myself some air and a clearer vision. We are so engrossed in ourselves and our lives, working in and out, multitasking and balancing so many roles. How often it is that we lose the big picture while fidgeting with all that’s not urgent but need to be done anyhow (like checking emails, making dinner & refilling toilet paper!)

There are moments when you’re worn out and like Bilbo Baggins says ‘ feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread’. You feel dry, malnourished; unfocused and unsure till you slump down to the floor and whisper ‘what the heck am I doing’. Isn’t it time to take a break? To rejuvenate, to again remember why everything you’re doing is worthwhile, to again remember your purpose and goals.

The Chinese saying 休息是为了走更长远的路 means rest is for the longer road ahead. Now ain’t that true? (:

ps. I have a little left of A Moment In Peking, it’s a good read!

Do you still believe in

2010-05-07T05:54:00.000-07:00

Hello, 7 random things! (:

Elly came over for a girlie Wednesday, with pigtails and vampire movies
Am again, officially on diet with M, pretty serious this time
Oppressing my excruciating urge to dye my hair and tattoo my neck
Still halfway packing for the big move to Ameera which I hope is pretty soon
Discover music loves such as SohoDolls and Florence & The Machine
Debating, yes to 18th party or no to 18th party? What do people even do for 18th?
So bloody sad that I’ll be at church instead of ‘semangat-ing’ for Green House at tomorrow’s CHS Sports Day

ps. The Mixtape Swap is closed, can’t wait to mail Julia and get some work done :D

You’ve got a magnetic power

2010-05-01T02:02:00.000-07:00

Hello love, a quick fix on 7 things I’d like to tell you.

CHS Sports Day 2010 is almost here and boy oh boy time flies, it felt like yesterday when I was bossing people around asking them to paste this and stitch that.

In case you don’t know, the themes being presented this year are: Yellow(Bumblebee. transformers) Red(Santa Claus) Purple(Octopus) Blue(Avatar) Green(Ninja Turtle). I jokingly said ‘one mute, one fat and sweaty, one dehydrating, one dying from oxygen and one well, I just don’t like scaly animals’, HAHA!

I think it’s an interesting collection! But of course as a Hijau senior I’m all about ‘GoingGreen’. I’m still debating if I should go back and give some support, God knows the relief I felt last year seeing seniors returning with a helping hand. I was practically running towards them, shouting ‘Oh save me!’ (: Aww, I miss being bossy, heh!

Made bows from polka ribbons. Aren’t they the cutest? They’re great when you’re too lazy to decorate cards. Just stick one at the corner and voila, problem graciously solved!

Had very good chocolate, the kind that makes you go ‘one-piece-is-not-enough’ because it melts in my mouth, smoother its way down my throat, leaves an icky feeling and still have me going gaga half an hour after swallowing. Can you say yum? Ditch Goldiva, Royce is my new hero :D

Here are my 3 new LOVES when it comes to dressing up. Very glamorous Indie music, just blast them on the stereo when you’re dolling up for a good night’s fun and trust me, even before leaving your house, you’d be in the vibe already. Uh-huh, *shake shake shake!

Weekends are here, and since my physio treatment has reduced to once during weekends. How fun it is to catch up on Gossip Girl. I’m almost at the end of Season 2 and all I can is ‘juicy’ (: I was quite disappointed before when the streaming website that I am currently using decided to remove all GG episodes, but the amazing thing about the world wide web is hey, one sucker down, you’ve got another up again. So watch Gossip Girl online here!

Plaza Damas is having Japanese Snacks Sale. Hands up if you love Japanese Snacks, hands up again if you love chewy candy. The kind that gets stuck in your gum, they make me so happy.

I have started kickboxing in physio treatment. Had me kicking, squatting, punching, sweating and heaving like I’m about to die. I fell in love with working out last year, sitting literally became pain in the ass. Now that I get to move around and exercise, I’m just so happy having so much fun!

And thank God, because after all that vigorous activity, Lulu didn’t swell at all. So right now I am down on one crutch. One more to go and like Eric says ‘you can fly and probably out run me’ (: He’s so nice. Mhhhhhmmm.

So have a good weekend everyone, and update your blogs, feedme!

For flowers from last summer

2010-04-30T01:47:00.000-07:00

Hello wonderful.

Had a relaxing afternoon yesterday and what better to do than crafting? Found floral scraps in my treasure box and recycled it into cards with a purple that reminds me of sour Mentos. The interior is a clean cut white embellished with peach butterflies.

I always not know what to do with my creations. Will you help me out:

Rate it. From 1 to 5, 1 being least 5 being most.
Should I give out the cards as gifts? Or should I keep them for my own use?
Should they be thankyou cards/ getwellsooncards/ invitationcards/ personal stationary?
Or maybe you got some crazy idea you can share with me (L:

ps. If it was me using them as invitations, it’ll probably be one to a Tea Party, teehee.

Stripes, babes, gold & shades

2010-04-28T20:19:00.000-07:00

Bye Bye, cakap banyak nanti tak glam (;

Project Love, love for someone else

2010-04-27T08:10:00.000-07:00

Some time ago, Melinda and her Buddhist youth group started a project called Project Love. Project Love help teens meet up to visit orphanages once a month. Aside from bringing food and supplies, their aim is to send some love to the orphans.

While M was there, she had a great idea to give the children her Iloveyou cards. This is taken from M’s blog in explanation of what happened,

“ I took one piece out, held my Parker pen and asked the girl what was her name. She took my pen and scribbled into my note book : Sally. I wrote carefully on the red piece of card : Sally. Then I admired her for a moment, then continued : is beautiful.

Slowly, one by one, they came up to me and asked for one… … I asked her (Jennifer) to look at me so that I could admire her. She looked at me then smiled. Right at that moment, all her features lit up. Though her eyes were small and squinty, I thought she had the best smile in the home… …

These kids thirst so much for attention that they are willing to do almost anything to catch your glance. Some fought, some screamed, some insulted, some danced.. they all had their own ways of attracting attention. So, I guess when I wrote them those cards, it was a moment where they felt someone took a minute of their life to appreciate them. “ M in her blog post, sharing love starting small

Her written experience has touched me deeply. These children, they are grateful for a short minute of appreciation. By comparison, our constant complains regarding our inadequacy seems like a big bad joke because in reality, we’re very much blessed and loved compared to others.

Unable to take part in Project Love, I’ve decided to make some cards for M to write on during her visit to the next orphanage. What I did yesterday & today:

Being me, the cards have names. The light green series is called Polka Tree; the dark green Miscellaneous Mint; & the yellow The Seventh Sun. There are around 120 pieces and I had a lot of fun making it, every one contains a little of my love and hope for the children. (I would have done a better design, but mass production takes too much work!)

ps. I strongly believe that whatever I do for life should be something contributing to the society. I don’t know what it is yet but I am praying for God’s guidance (:

Le Past

3.4.5個生日

Abandoned Ship

Bladderdash

Everything out of reach

Goes on

Amelie

Short hiatus

The things you do

Much missed

Mine

Here I come

Word vomit

And

The new year post that came late.

One at a time

I guess I really did it this time

Here tonight

Enchanted

Tightrope

You monster

64

Just a minute, in November

Dust of Snow

Rof

Saw

Girl in the dress

Bao Ma

To pretend

Walk

Alright

Be nice

Salad

Innocent

Our life

Warpath

Skywards

Hands up

Blizzard

If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is a compromise. — Robert Fritz

Mourn

Set this room on fire

Just a minute … October

Lift

Know

Ghost in the machine

Forkes

Shopping S’bree

My tumblr

Sink me in a river

Twohands

Mouth Wash

Shopping trip

Mid Autumn Festival

Golden

May not be found

Wick a wack

Her eyes her eyes

The rose remembers

Footsteps

We listen to good songs

Getogethers

Your lips

Point of view

Why I wrote

Alright

Heart

Breathe me

I’ll never be the same

My best friend is a bimbo

Take what you will tonight, I’ll give as fast

Now only do you say

About time

One Summer’s Day

18 Candles.

You’re so pale

Hello Hello Baby

Much Love Mondays {antique thrifts}

Fraulein, by Ellen Von Unwerth

Take a look in look out point

If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is a compromise.
— Robert Fritz